Regrets and Realizations
by SleptWithTheZucchini
Summary: Post-Partings, AU. Set in 7x02 - That's What You Get, Folks, For Makin' Whoopee. Sleeping with Christopher was a mistake. But does one mistake cancel out every hurtful thing Luke did to Lorelai for months? Does he even know how much he's hurt her? The story also explores the possibility of Anna being a rival and factor to the break-up. (Formatting issue corrected)
1. The Unexpected Road Trip

**Chapter 1 – The Unexpected Road Trip**

-oOo-

 ** _Lorelai:_** _(sighs) Sorry._

 ** _Luke:_** _Oh. Don't worry about me. I'm fine._

 ** _Lorelai:_** _Are you fine, really? Because, I mean, you don't have to be fine. Because this is really weird and really hard and... I'm not exactly fine._

 ** _Luke:_** _You're not?_

 ** _Lorelai:_** _Of course not._

 ** _Luke:_** _Well, that's too bad because I am. I'm fine._

 ** _Lorelai:_** _Well...okay._

 ** _Luke:_** _You know maybe you should punch Christopher's lights out. That seemed to do it for me._

 ** _Lorelai:_** _What?_

 ** _Luke:_** _Oh, so your boyfriend didn't tell you. Huh._

 ** _Lorelai:_** _You punched Christopher?_

 ** _Luke:_** _You two need to work on your communication skills._

 ** _Lorelai:_** _Oh, stop it._

 ** _Luke:_** _What._

 ** _Lorelai:_** _Christopher is not my boyfriend._

 ** _Luke:_** _I don't care if he is. I mean, you know you can date whoever or whatever you want. I couldn't care less. I'm fine._

 ** _Lorelai:_** _Okay, fine. Well, if you're so fine, the next time you get a hankering to punch someone, don't, okay? If you need to take your anger out on someone take it out on me. I'm the one you're mad at. I'm the one who deserves it._

 ** _Luke:_** _Look, you're the one who's still hung up here. I'm telling you, I'm over it. I guess it's just not as big a deal to me as it is to you._

 ** _Lorelai:_** _Oh, it's not as big a deal?_

 ** _Luke:_** _Yeah, so we're not getting married. It's okay by me. I mean you're the one who proposed in the first place._

-oOo-

Lorelai stalked off, incensed and hurt beyond words at what Luke just said. She can't believe he would rub her face on the fact that she was the one who proposed to him! And to imply that she was the one who was dead set about getting married and not him… What an ass.

She started shaking as his words sunk in more. _Maybe he really didn't want to get married at all,_ she thought. _Maybe he just said yes when I proposed because he didn't want to embarrass me._ All her insecurities from the past few months resurfaced. She felt tears streaming down her cheeks and she hurried home before anyone could see her breaking down in the streets.

As soon as she got home, she collapsed on the sofa and started sobbing hysterically. Thankfully, Rory wasn't there to see her breakdown. After several minutes, she tried to calm down and think of what she should do now. Her living room was strewn with Luke's things, and everything she owned that reminded her of him. An idea popped in her head. She needed to get out of her house – out of Stars Hollow – for a while. _Time for another road trip,_ she thought. The last road trip she took was when she ended her engagement with Max. Perhaps road trips are how she handled broken engagements. _My second broken engagement. Always the fiancée, never the bride,_ she grumbled to herself.

She briefly considered taking Rory with her, since she was back at Stars Hollow wallowing after Logan left for London. But ultimately, she decided against it. Rory should not see her at her very, very lowest. Rory was her best friend, true, but Rory was still her daughter. Rory shouldn't see her own mother lose it over a guy.

Another reason why she didn't want to take Rory was because they would have to talk. She knew Rory would get upset when she finds out that her mother slept with her father hours after breaking up with her fiancé. And even if Rory forgives her for that huge mistake, she couldn't bear the thought of Rory hating Luke – even just a little bit – if she finds out how much Luke hurt her in the past months.

She quickly packed a bag, then started putting Luke's things into cardboard boxes. She was slightly surprised that everything he owned fit into just two small boxes – until she remembered that he barely stayed over at her place since he found out about April. She got her engagement ring from her purse, where she put it two nights ago after she walked away from him. She found the box it came in and put it on the kitchen table where Rory wouldn't miss it.

She hurriedly got on her Jeep, her hands shaking as she put the key on the ignition. She left a voicemail at their home phone for Rory, and drove away from Stars Hollow with tears in her eyes, not knowing if and when she'd have the strength to come back.

-oOo-

When Rory got home, she was surprised to see shopping bags filled with various Asian decorations strewn all over the floor, cardboard boxes on the living room, and her mother gone. She checked for messages on their answering machine and listened to them one by one. The first was from her mom:

 _"_ _Hey Sweets, sorry I… uh, have to go away for a bit. You know, me and broken engagements, and uh, road trips… Umm listen, I'm so sorry I can't take you this time, I just, uh… I just need to be alone for now. There are things that happened that I'm not yet ready to tell you about. Please don't hate me Rory. I'll tell you soon, I promise, I just… I just need some time to process, you know? And please don't hate, uh, anyone else… Anyway, I'm not sure yet where I'm going, and when I'll be back, but once I decide, I'll let you know, okay? Bye._

The next message was surprisingly from her mom again:

 _Oh, by the way, I need a favor… Do you mind, um, returning the ring and boxes to Luke? I, uh, wanted to do it myself, but I'm not ready to face him. I hope you understand… Anyway, uh, I need to go. I'll see you soon, okay? Sorry I can't be there to cheer you up with Logan away and all… Okay bye._ "

Rory sat back, surprised. She's known her mother to do impulsive things after break-ups, but this seemed extreme. And what could she mean about things that happened? She listened to the next message, growing more surprised when she realized this one was from her dad:

 _"_ _Lor, hey, it's me. Just still trying to reach you. Sorry I missed your call before. I wasn't calling about that whole "Luke hitting me" thing. I don't care about that. I just want to talk to you. I want to talk to you about the other night. You said it was just a one-night thing, but I want to talk about it, and about you and me, so... call me so we can talk. Okay. Bye."_

If Rory was shocked at her mom's message, she was alarmed by the one from her father. _What the hell happened?_ she thought, panicking. She tried calling her mom, but as expected, calls were automatically routed to her voicemail. She paced back and forth, getting more and more confused and agitated. When she couldn't take it any longer, she called the one person who might be able to help her understand. She grabbed her phone and dialed Sookie's number.

"Rory! This is a surprise!" a cheerful Sookie chirped when she answered her call after one ring.

"Hi Sookie," Rory replied carefully. "Are you busy? I need to talk to you, umm about mom and Luke's break-up?"

"Oh honey, you should really talk to your mom about that, not me…"

"Well, she left," Rory said, her voice catching. "She went on a solo road trip and just left me a message that didn't make much sense to me. That's why I'm calling you. Do you mind dropping by the house to listen to the messages on our answering machine? I'm… I'm a bit worried about mom, I don't know why."

There was a moment of silence as Sookie tried to decide what to do. "I'll be there in 10 minutes, honey. I'll bring brownies. We'll talk."

"Thanks Sookie."


	2. The Truth Comes Out

**Chapter 2 – The Truth Comes Out**

-oOo-

Truthfully, Luke would rather work alone, but Liz insisted on sending TJ to help after they heard about the damage to the diner. Luke was forced to tell his loopy brother-in-law about the break-up after TJ mentioned the extra Hockettes tickets he got for Lorelai and him. After an incredibly awkward bear hug that he wanted to forget, Luke now had to take all of TJ's well-intentioned platitudes about love and relationships. Luke tried to tune out everything TJ was saying while they worked. He was not about to take relationship advice from someone who wore tights to his own wedding, dammit.

He tried to avoid thinking of Lorelai and what led to the break-up. He knew he's been a bit distant lately, but Lorelai understood. Well, he thought she did, or at least she should have understood. If she wasn't willing to wait for him, then it's better to call off the engagement now. It was a good decision all around.

The problem was that after their fight that night, he didn't realize that it was a break-up. He thought it was a serious fight, true, more serious than any of the previous fights in their two-year relationship, but he didn't know it was _the_ fight. He wondered what he would have done differently if he realized that this was the fight that would end their relationship. Would he have followed her home? Tried to talk some sense to her? Tried to understand where she was coming from? He wasn't even sure. Even with the benefit of hindsight, he wasn't sure what he would have done, and that bugged him.

-oOo-

Sookie and Rory sat down at the kitchen, facing each other. There were brownies and some fruit tarts and a thermos of coffee in between them. They've listened to the messages from Lorelai and Chris quietly when Sookie first arrived, but as if by mutual agreement, they both said nothing about the break-up yet.

At first, they ate and drank coffee, chatting amiably about Yale and Sookie's children and other small town news. Rory saw Sookie looking at the ring box on the table and the cardboard boxes in the living room more than once, but wasn't sure how to bring up the topic on the top of their minds.

Finally, Rory cleared her throat and looked at Sookie directly. "Sookie, you need to tell me what happened with Luke and my mom."

Sookie visibly squirmed. "How much do you know?" she asked quietly.

"Not much," Rory admitted. "I knew they were having some problems, with the whole April issue, especially after her toast at Lane's wedding. But mom always tried to avoid the topic whenever I asked. And I was busy with finals and, um, stuff, I never really asked her how she was doing and if things were getting better."

"Well… To be honest, things were getting worse, honey," Sookie replied with a faraway look in her eyes. "In hindsight, I wish I did more than just listen to your mom and be there for her. I wish I spoke to Luke. Or maybe even Miss Patty or Babette, maybe they would have known what to do. He was so... so blind to what was happening with her. How he was hurting her. And he used to be so attuned to her, remember? Like he could tell by one glance if something was wrong, even when she's smiling."

"Yeah, those were the days, huh?"

"I know. And oh, you know the thing your mom does when she smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes?"

"Her fake smile? Yeah, I hate that."

"So do I," Sookie agreed. "But for the past few months, that's all I saw from your mom, especially when she was with Luke. Or talking about Luke."

"But why?" Rory asked, surprised. Whenever she asked her mom if things were going well with Luke, she said yes.

Sookie sipped her coffee slowly, trying to decide what to tell and what not to tell Rory. She figured Rory would find out everything anyway, so she might as well tell the kid everything she knows, including the night with Christopher. She watched Rory's face go from confused, to upset, to angry, to hurt, to a sad mixture of all the other emotions. She kept shaking her head and blinked back tears, unable to believe that her mom could hide all of this from her, and Luke could hurt her mom this much.

-oOo-

Later that night, Rory got a call from her mom, much to her relief.

"Hey sweets, so sorry to run from you like that. How are you? Missing Logan?" asked Lorelai in a voice that was trying a bit too hard to sound cheerful.

"Mom! Where are you? I've been trying to call you the whole day! I was worried sick!" Rory nearly yelled.

"I'm, uh, checking in at a hotel in New York. I'll drive out again tomorrow then I'll let you know once I decide where I'll stay for the next few days. I, uh, I might be away for some time."

"Are you okay, mom? How come you've been driving for hours and just got to New York now?"

"Oh, I, uh… I actually spent an hour or so with your grandparents at Hartford. I… I needed to ask for a loan."

Rory could hear the embarrassment in her mom's voice but couldn't help asking. "Loan for what? Are you having money problems?"

"No, nothing like that, kid," Lorelai hurriedly replied. "It's just that, uh, I owe Luke some money and given the circumstances, I kinda feel like I have to return it sooner rather than later, you know?"

"Money? When did you borrow money from Luke?" Rory asked, confused.

"Oh… Uh, only Sookie actually knows about this but, um, before Dragonfly opened we were running short, like really short… I had no choice but to borrow thirty thousand from him. I mean, I could go to my parents, but… you know I hate borrowing from them."

"And yet you're borrowing money now to repay Luke?"

"Yeah, well, desperate times, hon." After a pause, she continued. "They'll arrange for the check to be delivered to you tomorrow… If you haven't talked to Luke yet, do you mind giving it to him together with the ring and his stuff?"

"Okay mom…"

"I'll send you an email too with the computations for interest and all. If you could print it out and give it to him… The Inn accountant sent everything to me earlier while I was at your grandparents. And uh, there's another check for the cost of the renovations for the Crap Shack. I asked Tom how much Luke paid him… I'm so sorry sweets, I know this is asking a lot, but I really don't know who else to ask for help on this. I just… I just want to tie all the loose ends, so I can, you know, I don't know, start moving on."

"I understand mom. Can I come visit you?"

"Yes of course… I'll let you know once I settle in somewhere, then you can come visit me okay?"

"Good, good… Listen mom, I talked to Sookie earlier… She told me everything that happened. Why didn't you talk to me?"

Lorelai sighed. "I don't know Rory… Even with Sookie, I never really told her everything I was going through. It's just that… you both really like Luke, and I don't want to say anything to make you guys, I don't know, hate him because of me. And I felt like if I talked about it, it would make it more real… Like if I never talked about it, maybe I can convince myself it's all in my head. I know I'm not making a lot of sense right now."

"It's okay mom. As long as you're okay and you're safe, I'm good. I just want to see you." After a moment's silence, Rory continued. "Mom? I hope you don't get mad, but I called Dad today."

Suddenly, Lorelai felt like she couldn't breathe, knowing what was coming. "What? Why?"

"He, uh, left a voicemail at home. I mean for you, the message was for you. But I, uh… I figured out from his message that something happened between the two of you after Luke and I broke up, and Sookie told me what she knew."

Lorelai took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry dear. I'm…. I'm so sorry. Man, I screwed up everything. Everything, I… Listen Rory, I have to go. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"Mom?"

"Please tell Luke I'm sorry too. I'll call you tomorrow, okay? Don't worry about me, I'm a big girl."

"Love you Mom."

"Love you too hon."


	3. The Uncomfortable Confrontation

**Chapter 3 – The Uncomfortable Confrontation**

-oOo-

Rory could barely sleep that night, thinking of Logan in London, and of her mom in New York, and of Luke, who was probably sulking around his apartment, furious that his fiancée cheated on him. Luke, whom she always thought would never ever hurt her mother, apparently was the one man who hurt her the most. Granted, what her mom did after the break-up was horrible, but that one act didn't just wipe out every single hurtful thing Luke put her through for the past few months.

Rory didn't leave the house all morning to wait for the checks from her grandparents, which she put in her purse. When it finally arrived, she put the cardboard boxes of Luke's things in her car, grabbed the engagement ring and another small box, and drove off to the diner.

Luke and TJ were arguing over something when Rory's car screeched to a stop in front of them. Luke instantly recognized the car and stood stock still. Rory got out without speaking and took the boxes from the trunk.

"Can I talk to you in private, Luke?" she said, her voice icy.

Luke was somewhat taken aback by her tone, but replied readily, "Let's go upstairs. TJ, you good here for a bit?" TJ nodded. Luke walked up to Rory and reached out for the boxes, asking, "Can I help you with these?"

Rory didn't even look at him and just shoved the boxes to his hands. Luke tried to maintain a neutral expression, even though this did not seem like Rory to him. He turned and led the way to his apartment upstairs.

He opened the door and waited for her to come in. When she did, he gestured to the sofa and said. "What would you like to drink? I have soda, or orange juice, or water…"

Rory remained standing, not even looking at him. "No, thank you. This won't take long." Pointing to the cardboard boxes that he put down near the door, she said, "Those are your things you left at our house. Mom asked me to return those to you."

Luke had no idea what to say. "Oh… Okay, thank you for bringing those over."

"At first I was surprised that there were only two boxes. I mean, you've completed the renovations months ago and I honestly thought you've already moved in by now, but I guess you never did, huh?"

Luke looked at her, not knowing how to respond. There was an undercurrent of anger in her tone which he couldn't understand.

"I hear you did the same to Nicole. Got an apartment with her but never moved in. But at least you married her, right?"

"Rory…"

"No Luke, I don't want to hear it. I'm just here to do a favor for my mom since she's not here to do it herself."

"What do you mean?"

"None of your business," Rory replied brusquely. "It's none of your business where she is, Luke. She can go live in another continent for all you care."

"Rory that's not fair…"

"Anyway, first order of business is to return your things. Done. Second, here's the engagement ring. Thanks for making my mom believe that you were going to marry her. Like you would ever commit."

Luke was speechless and refused to reach out for the ring, which she was trying to hand over. Finally, Rory slammed it on the table.

"Done. Next, here are two checks. One is for the Dragonfly loan, plus interest. Here's the calculation from the Inn's accountant. If you have any issues on this, you can talk to Sookie or the accountant."

"No, I can't take that. I didn't lend her the money expecting to get paid. I was investing in her business," Luke tried to explain.

"Well, she doesn't need your investment anymore. She wants to thank you for your generosity when she needed it, but she doesn't really want to owe you anything at this point."

A hurt look crossed Luke's eyes. "I helped her out because I know how much she hates having to ask her parents for money."

"Well, guess where this money is coming from, Luke. Looks like borrowing from my grandparents is better than owing you anything now." Rory paused slightly before she continued. "The other check is to cover the cost of renovations at our house. Mom called Tom yesterday and got the figures."

"Rory, no, I paid for that because I wanted to."

"Yeah, and mom let you pay for it because we all thought you'd live there. So paying for the renovations would make you feel like you own part of it. But you never did live there anyway, so why should you pay for it? At least if mom pays you off, the house will still be hers and mine. Just ours. Alone."

Again, Luke refused to reach out for the checks or the computer printout with lots of numbers, so Rory slammed them on the table, next to the engagement ring.

Finally, Rory reached for her purse and pulled out a small black jewelry box. Luke recognized it instantly. He watched as Rory took a deep breath and he could see the anger go from her eyes, replaced by something worse – pain.

"Luke, I need to return these to you," Rory said after a moment of silence as she tried to collect her thoughts. She placed the box containing Luke's mother's pearl necklace, which he gave her on her twenty-first birthday, on the table. "This doesn't belong to me; you should give them to April."

"Rory, no, I gave them to you for a reason…"

"Yes, because you thought we would be family soon. That I would be your daughter. But that's not gonna happen, right? I mean, April should get this. She's your daughter, your own flesh and blood. I'm just… I'm just the daughter of the woman you wouldn't marry." Her voice broke and a lone tear fell from her right eye, which she hurriedly wiped away.

Luke stood, stricken. The pain in Rory's eyes reminded him of the pain in Lorelei's eyes when he last spoke to her in the streets. He has always loved both Gilmore girls and swore under his breath every time some guy made them cry. And here, he realized that he _was_ that guy after all.

"I don't understand Luke. Were you… were you just marking time with mom and me, pretending that the three of us were a family of some sorts, until you could get your own family?"

"No Rory, no, it's not like that…"

"Because I'm not sure if you know, but mom knows you've been having family dinners with Anna and April. She kept waiting for you to tell her about it, since you guys promised no secrets or something, but I guess that only applied to her, huh? She had to report back to you every single time my dad called. But you… you could go and meet with your ex anytime you wanted to without telling her."

Luke had no idea what to say. He thought he had been very discreet whenever he had dinner with Anna and April at Woodbridge. It wasn't like a regular thing, but there have been maybe three or four dinners so far. He closed his eyes in shame when he remembered that the last two dinners ended with Anna kissing him at her front porch. He didn't kiss her back, but it did take a minute before he pulled back. And he never did ask Anna not to kiss him again. And he never did say anything whenever Anna would whisper seductively to his ear, "Engaged isn't married, you know."

Rory looked at him and realized he had no explanation for this. "So yeah, that's all I wanted to say, I guess. Since Mom went out of town – thanks to you – I think I'll just head back to Yale for now. You won't be seeing either of us anytime soon."

With a last sad glance at the man she always thought as her main father figure, Rory quietly turned and headed down the stairs.


	4. The Realization Sets In

**Chapter 4 – The Realization Sets In**

-oOo-

After several minutes of looking blankly at the door after Rory left, Luke walked slowly to the table and took the engagement ring from its box. He held it up and observed how the diamond catches the light. He then went to his fridge and got a beer for himself, before dropping on the couch heavily, staring at the ring.

Memories started flooding in without his bidding. He remembered how Lorelai's face lit up when he gave it to her last year, how she hugged his neck tightly and kissed him over and over again. He felt like the luckiest man in the world to be engaged to a force of nature like Lorelai Gilmore, a woman he loved from afar until he finally found the guts to ask her out after eight years. _Eight years,_ he thought, shaking his head at his stupidity. He's been pining for Lorelai for eight years, and after just two years in a relationship, he let her walk away.

 _But she cheated,_ he reminded himself, to avoid facing the realization that the break-up may have been his fault. _I didn't even know that we've broken up when she went to Christopher._ He took a swig of beer and gulped.

His conscience – or something in his mind – seemed to talk back to him. _But she gave you an ultimatum. Marry her now or never. You said you can't marry her now. So that means never. That means the engagement is over at that point,_ it argued.

 _She should have waited. She should have told me how she felt_. _I'm not a mind-reader, dammit,_ he thought angrily.

 _But she did. In Martha's Vineyard. And several other times in the past few months. You kept brushing her off._

 _I needed time. I needed time to bond with April alone. She should understand that. I couldn't let her spend time with April yet,_ he argued – not even knowing who he was arguing with.

 _Yet you let everyone else spend time with April. Miss Patty, Lane, Babette, hell even Kirk… They've all spent time playing board games and chatting with April, getting to know her. And yet you never even let Lorelai anywhere near her future step-daughter._

The thought struck him. Step-daughter. If they got married, Lorelai would be April's _step-mother._

 _"_ _If" you get married? Not "when" you get married?_ the voice in his head taunted him.

 _I didn't mean it like that._

 _You meant it exactly like that. You couldn't commit. You wouldn't commit. And it's because deep in your heart, you couldn't help but wonder if it was your duty to try to make it work with Anna – give April the perfect family – Mom and Dad together._

Luke felt like he was losing his mind once the realization hit him. He rubbed his forehead with his free hand, eyes closed. Then after a few minutes, he remembered that TJ was waiting for him downstairs. He took a last gulp, put the ring back to its box, then he trudged down to continue working on the diner repairs, refusing to look at TJ or answer any of his questions.

Keeping busy with construction work would help keep his mind off things. Keep his mind off where Lorelai could be right now, and what she was doing out of town. Keep his mind off why she had to flee in the first place. Keep his mind off what an ass he's been to her for the past few months. Keep his mind off what a hypocrite he was.

-oOo-

At around 10 am the next day, Lorelai was ready to start driving again. For once, she got a map and quickly figured out the quickest way to get to Maryland. She called Rory while she was checking out.

"Hey sweets. Just wanted to let you know I'm off to Maryland today."

Lorelai's voice again had that forced cheerfulness, but Rory didn't bother to point it out. "Hi mom. Did you sleep well last night?"

"Um, yeah, I guess. A little wallowing never hurt nobody."

"Are you sure you're not too tired to drive?"

"No, and you'll be proud of me. I got maps and all!"

Rory gasped out loud. "Maps! That can't be true, mother!"

Lorelai laughed gaily. "Oh yes it's true. Guess you can teach old dogs new tricks, huh?" Somehow, the words suddenly sounded sad when they left her mouth.

"You're not old, mom."

"Oh but I am, hon. I mean… You know I want another kid, right? Not that you're not the most perfect kid in the world… And not that you can ever be replaced or anything… But, well, I don't really have much time if I wanted a kid, you know? I mean, I guess I have to find a man first since it's not gonna be Luke after all," she chuckled, trying to keep things light.

Rory felt the pain behind her mother's words. She was losing hope that she would ever get the future she ever wanted – husband, kids, white picket fence. "Don't worry, Mom, maybe you and Luke can still work things out. I don't know…"

"Nah, don't bother thinking about it kid. Luke and me are over. Nothing left. Nada. Zilch."

"I saw him yesterday. Gave him back the boxes and the rings and the checks. He was…"

"No hon, don't tell me anything," Lorelai interrupted hurriedly. "I don't need to know what he said or how he looked or anything, you know? I, uh, I have to quit him cold turkey... Sorry again about asking you to do that. It didn't feel right asking Sookie to do it. Mom volunteered to do it, but I said you would handle it. Can you imagine Emily charging to the diner? I mean, the guy broke my heart, but I wouldn't want him to face the wrath of Emily Gilmore."

There was a moment of silence before Rory spoke again. "So why Maryland?"

"Well, I've never been there. Plus, I was thinking of The Philadelphia Story and how Dexter and Tracy eloped to Maryland, so I wanted to see what was there. Just curious I guess. Hey, did you know I asked Luke the night we broke up to elope to Maryland with me?"

"I didn't know that."

"Yeah, well we know how that ended, so no use discussing it now."

"Mom… Can I come visit you now? I can drive over to Maryland today."

"Thanks hon, but I uh, need just a teeny tiny bit more alone time. You understand, don't you?"

"Yes, but I don't like you being all alone like this. I worry about you. Sookie worries about you. Hell, even Michel has been asking about how you've been."

"Tell them not to worry about me. I'm fine, well, not right now, but I'll be fine. And I'll be back better than new. Gotta go now, hon. Got myself some driving to do."

"Bye Kerouac. Call me again soon?"

"Of course hon. Love you."

Lorelai turned her phone off and wiped her eyes. It was good hearing Rory's voice and talking to her, but somehow it pained her to know that Luke already had his stuff back. She wanted to give those back, but knowing that they were now in his possession – and that she did not have anything left of him but memories – it was a sad thought. She shook her head and went to her Jeep, preparing for a few hours of driving.


	5. The Conversation He Never Wanted to Have

**Chapter 5 – The Conversation He Never Wanted to Have**

-oOo-

Luke couldn't sleep that night. He had another beer before going to bed, thinking it would help him sleep, but it only kept him up. His thoughts kept swirling around his head, driving him insane.

At 5 am, he gave up trying to sleep and got up. He wanted to talk to Lorelai. He still felt the pain of her betrayal and had to close his eyes every time he thought of Christopher's hands all over her. He wondered if she went there to sleep with Christopher on purpose, to hurt Luke back. Somehow, he doubted it. She would never be so mean-spirited like that. Maybe he went there to talk, but then they got drunk and things got out of hand?

He tried to remember the last time he and Lorelai were intimate. He was shocked to realize he couldn't even remember. Was it, what, two or three weeks ago? He went to her house late at night, had sex with her, then instead of cuddling and falling asleep with her, he got dressed and told her he was sleeping at his apartment because of early deliveries the next day. He saw the look of surprise and pain in her face, which she quickly tried to mask. She tried to sound light-hearted as she said, "Wow, I've never felt more like a whore in my entire life." He chuckled, thinking it was a joke, but when he sneaked a glance at her, she turned away and pretended to go to sleep. When he left the room, he could hear sniffles that he pretended not to hear as he quickly dashed down the stairs.

At 6 am, he wondered if it was too early to call Lorelai. He couldn't wait any longer. She'd be pissed if he woke her up, but he had to hear her voice. He tried to call Rory the night before to ask where Lorelai was, but she wouldn't pick up his calls. He couldn't blame her.

Finally, he decided to call Lorelai. The call went straight to voicemail. He tried again every 30 minutes until 10 am. Obviously she wasn't taking calls from anybody. Deciding on a whim, he went to Dragonfly Inn's kitchen and looked for Sookie.

Luke knocked gingerly on the kitchen door. "Sookie?" he called out.

He heard a loud clang, like a pot dropping to the floor. The door whipped open and he was suddenly face-to-face with a very angry Sookie. It caught him by surprise since she was normally so bright and bubbly. She glared at him without speaking until he started squirming.

"Luke. What are you doing here?" she asked, trying hard to keep her voice calm.

"I wondered if you knew where Lorelai was…"

She snorted. "And why the hell do you think I'd tell you if I knew? It's none of your business anymore."

Her answer reminded him of Rory's words the previous day. "I know, I just… I wanted to talk to her, but she's not taking my calls."

"To be honest, she's not taking anybody's calls. She calls Rory to let her know where she's headed that day, and she calls me to check on the Inn, but I doubt if she'll be calling _you_ anytime soon."

"Yeah, but if you could mention to her that we need to talk…"

This enraged Sookie. "Wow, Luke. After everything you put her through in the past few months. Making her wait. Asking for time. Not wanting to talk to her about anything. Hiding things from her. Now it suddenly occurred to you that you guys need to talk?"

"I know it sounds bad…"

"She got over the fact that _you_ didn't tell her about April for two months… I mean, it might have been longer if she didn't _happen_ to drop by the diner that day and saw April with the salt shakers. To be honest, she was very gracious about it and forgave you and tried to understand what you were going through. If Jackson did the same thing to me, I wouldn't just…I don't know. There'd be a huge fight. And there'd be yelling. From me, I mean, not from Jackson."

"I'm sure…"

"Yeah, then one day, I was at her place getting Paul Anka, and you left a message on her freaking answering machine saying that April will be at the diner from 3-7pm, and you'd see her at the diner after that. I mean, you didn't say it in so many words, but the message was clear that she had to stay away while April was around. That really hurt Lorelai, Luke!"

Luke was going to reply but Sookie raised a hand to stop him.

"When she remembered that I was there, she tried to pass it off as a decision that you both agreed upon, but I knew it wasn't. She was completely caught off guard. I mean, if that's what you wanted, you should have the _decency_ to at least have a conversation with your fiancé about it first, and not just drop bombshells like that over an answering machine, right? Seriously, if Jackson did something to me like that…"

"I know, I know." Luke hurriedly tried to pacify Sookie to keep her on the topic. This was not a conversation he expected, or particularly enjoyed, but he had a feeling he had to listen to all of this to figure out what went wrong in their relationship, and what he should do next.

"Then everyone in town met April. Everyone spent time with her. Heck, even I spent time with that little girl. While Lorelai, her future step-mom, only got the chance to talk to her during that disastrous birthday party."

"Disastrous?" Luke asked, surprise evident in his voice. "It wasn't disastrous. Everyone had a blast."

"The kids had a blast," Sookie said. "The next morning, she kept telling me that it was a turning point for you guys. That you were finally letting her in. That maybe you'd finally agree to set a wedding date. That maybe she'd finally see all her dreams come true. But no. The minute Anna got mad, that's all you cared about. Come to think of it, that's all you really care about – what Anna thinks, what Anna says. Makes people wonder who's the fiancée and who's the ex."

"That's not fair," Luke said angrily but Sookie cut him off.

"You know what she did the next day, Luke? She went to Woodbridge and looked for Anna. She didn't tell you because she was afraid you'd be upset. She wanted to introduce herself to Anna, to assure her that she's a good person and that there's no need to worry about her spending time with April. That she's a permanent part of your life and not just some floozy you picked up from wherever. And Anna basically said she doesn't want April to get to know Lorelai since she was only in your life temporarily. Lorelai told her that you guys were stable, that you're engaged. And Anna said, 'Engaged is not married, people get engaged all the time.' And Lorelai knew it was true."

Luke stared at Sookie, shocked. ' _Engaged is not married.' Exactly what Anna would tell him whenever she kissed him._ A chill ran down his spine.

"You know what, Luke, I really liked you. We were friends. Even when you guys weren't together yet, I kept telling Lorelai how great you were and how great you two would be together," she spat, getting more and more worked up as she went along. "I just thought that, you know, after everything she's been through in her life, she deserves to have someone who would love her completely like I though you did."

"I do! But…"

"I've known Lorelai since she was sixteen. I met her the day she arrived at the Independence Inn with a baby on her hip, begging Mia for a job. I've seen her break apart more times than I can count. When her parents came to the Inn unexpectedly and found her cleaning the toilet, and screamed at her for bringing shame to the Gilmore name. When Chris didn't come to Rory's Father's Day celebration at school when she was 10, and Rory got upset and blamed her mother for choosing a father that didn't want her. When she thought she was getting back together with Chris and getting the whole package, until he found out that his ex was pregnant and he left and married Sherry instead. But I have never, _ever_ seen her as broken as she's been the last few months. Did you even know where she slept the night before you broke up? She came to my place, not saying anything, just sat in the sofa watching me and Jackson and Davey and Martha have dinner. She didn't want to eat, she didn't want to talk. She just wanted to sit and watch us. I didn't realize it then, but Lorelai was jealous of me. Jealous because I found a good man who loves me and married me and built a family with me. She was starting to realize that she would never have any of that with you. After a while, she just called out good night and curled up on the sofa."

"She never said a thing to me. I didn't mean to hurt her, Sookie."

"Yeah, well the last time she tried to push you, you broke up with her, remember? So how can you expect her to push you again?"

Luke remembered the disastrous vow renewal of the elder Gilmores. He got upset, refused to talk to her, and when she pushed, he said he wanted out of the relationship. No wonder Lorelai wouldn't tell him anything, she was afraid of saying anything because she was worried that he would leave her. Luke felt a deep ache in his heart as he realized what he has done.

"Anyway, Luke, do what you want. But as her friend, I'm asking you – don't try to call her again. Don't get her hopes up that you want to get back together, that you want to marry her, that you want to start a family with her. Just… just let her go, Luke. She deserves to find happiness. I hope to goodness that someday soon she'll find someone who would love her and take care of her and not hurt her. Since it's not you, just, just please get out of her way." With these final words, Sookie slammed the kitchen door shut, leaving Luke feeling worse than before.


	6. The Other Option Falls Through

**Chapter 6 – The Other Option Falls Through**

-oOo-

Deciding to heed Sookie's words, Luke went back to his apartment. The diner repairs were completed, but he didn't feel like opening the diner for a few more days. He needed the solitude to sort through his thoughts and his feelings.

When Anna first suggested that he had dinner with April and her, he jumped at the chance to spend a few more hours with his daughter. Plus, he thought it would only be for everyone's good if he and Anna got along well, for April's sake. He didn't know how to tell Lorelai though, so he decided to put of telling her.

The first dinner was cordial, though uncomfortable. April was used to spending time with her parents separately, but this was her first time spending time with both of them together. It felt very strange to her, and she couldn't help wondering if Lorelai knew about it. She knew her dad was engaged to Lorelai, even though he never formally introduced them and he never really told her outright that she was his fiancée. She found out from the other townies, who told her that the love story of Luke and Lorelai was one for the ages. Frankly, she didn't care to hear the details of how they got together, but she did know they were serious.

During the second dinner, Anna got Luke to drink a few beers with dinner to loosen him up. Then, Anna started to reminisce about the time they were together, making April extremely uncomfortable. She would change the subject every time, bringing up stories about her school or her friends, but Anna would change the subject back to her and Luke's past immediately after.

When her mom suggested a third dinner, April refused at first. She said she didn't really dig the whole "nuclear family bonding time" that her mom was trying to push. She told him Luke thought it was a good idea that they all get along and spend time together. She had doubts as to whether that was true, but she finally agreed reluctantly. Her mom got even more flirty during dinner, and April got more and more annoyed and stayed silent most of the time. Luke seemed to pick up on April's mood and didn't talk much either. He seemed unaware of Anna's blatant flirting.

During the fourth dinner, April bluntly asked Luke as soon as he sat down for dinner, "Hey Luke, Lorelai knows you're here with us, right?" Luke turned red and stammered a reply that she didn't quite catch. Anna gave her a dirty look and started flirting again. Luke went back to being Mr. Monosyllabic Man on Anna, but kept asking April questions about school and swimming any other topic he could think of. April hoped her mother would get the idea and just lay off her dad.

Imagine her surprise when Luke showed up at their house one night when she was alone with a babysitter. He looked haggard and mixed up. "Hey kid, I was wondering if I could talk to you for a moment," he said.

"Uh, sure Luke. What's up?"

"Your mom is not here?"

"No, but someone's here with me. Our neighbor's teenage daughter comes in to look after me when Mom has to go somewhere at night."

"Okay good… Well…"

"What is it?"

"I don't know how to ask this, but how do you feel if your mom and I started dating again?"

April's face fell. "Lorelai?" she asked.

"Out of the picture," Luke said flatly. "Didn't work out."

"Because of me? Or mom?"

"No sweetie, of course not… We just… It just didn't work out."

"You do know mom is on a date tonight, right?"

"She's seeing someone?" Luke asked, surprised. By the way Anna's been kissing him and talking to him every time they were together, he assumed she was single and completely unattached.

"She has a long-time boyfriend. I met him, I don't know, maybe twice or thrice. But the guy she's on a date with tonight is someone else. Someone she met recently."

"She has a boyfriend, and she's seeing someone else?" he asked incredulously. "And she tells you this?"

"Of course not. But I hear things. I see things. I can figure things out for myself. I don't need people to explain things to me."

Luke sat back, not knowing what to say. He couldn't believe this was happening. He didn't have feelings for Anna – not at all. She could never hold a candle to Lorelai. But he somehow felt _obliged_ to at least try to see if it would work with her. He's been guilty about having these thoughts before when he was still with Lorelai, but now that they've broken up, he figured it was the perfect time to see where things could go.

"Luke, when you and my mom were together thirteen years ago, were you like, I don't know, exclusive?"

"Yeah, pretty much. I've never really casually dated anyone to be honest. Why do you ask?"

"And did you never wonder why I had to take DNA samples from three different guys to figure out who my father was?"

Luke was confounded. This never occurred to him before. "Are you saying…"

"I'm saying that my mom was sleeping with two other guys when you guys were together, Luke," she said bluntly. "She's always been like that. I've never known her to stick with one guy. I mean, she's my mom and all and I love her to death, but… I don't know."

Luke stood up like he was electrocuted. "I have to go April. Please… don't tell your mom about this conversation. Can we… can we forget this conversation ever happened?"

April looked at him with pity in her eyes. She hasn't known Luke for a long time, but she knew he was a good man. Everyone in their charming little town of Stars Hollow told her so. "For all it's worth, I thought Lorelai really loves you. I mean, she dropped everything to help you out with my party, right? I hope you guys work things out. I'd love to see her again."

"Yes, yes… I… I have to go. Bye April… See you next week." Luke all but ran back to his truck and sped away, back to Stars Hollow.


	7. The Town Goes Pink

**Chapter 7 – The Town Goes Pink**

-oOo-

That night, Luke tried calling Lorelai again. He forced himself not to call her for the past two or three days, because of what Sookie said, but tonight he just really wanted to hear her voice. But as expected, the calls were still going straight to voicemail. He gave up after three attempts. He never even tried to leave a message – he would just hang up as soon as the recording kicks in. He didn't know what to say to Lorelai, let alone to her machine.

The next day would be the diner's re-opening. Luke wasn't looking forward to it at all. Sure, it would be great to be busy with work again, to keep his mind off things. But the downside was that the town gossips would be all over him to confirm if he and Lorelai really did break up. He cringed at the other questions he would have to face. Was the break-up because of his daughter's sudden appearance? Was it because of Rory's father, or April's mother? Would he and Lorelai ever get back together? Where was Lorelai staying right now, since nobody has seen her Jeep at the Crap Shack for a week at least?

Then, there would be the matter of the ribbons. When they broke up the last time, Taylor distributed blue and pink ribbons to give away to all townsfolk so everyone would know whose side they were on – Luke's or Lorelai's. It nearly drove Luke insane.

Luke dreaded the thought of the questions and the ribbons so much that he called Cesar to ask him to open the diner for him the next day. Thankfully, Cesar always needed the extra cash and agreed instantly.

When Luke finally went downstairs at around 8 the next morning, the first people he saw were Patty and Babette in the middle of a whispered conversation. He expected them to pounce on him as they usually do, but both merely gave him a polite nod and pretty much ignored him after. He didn't get any questions from anyone else either.

At first, he was pleasantly surprised that the townies seemed to have lost interest in his personal life. Or at least, they seemed to have learned to respect his privacy. But as the day went by with not one person asking him about Lorelai, or even mentioning the name Lorelai in his presence, he started getting a bit on edge. He didn't doubt that everyone in town knew about the break-up by now. Why wasn't anyone asking him anything?

He wondered if he should ask Lane if she knew what was going on. After all, she was not only very close to the Gilmores, but she would also likely hear anything interesting in the gossip mill while serving the customers. _I wonder if Lane knows where Lorelai is_ , he thought to himself. _That's not something I should ask though – she's my employee and it will be all kinds of wrong._

He tried to pretend that he wasn't bothered about what seemed to be the town's weird code of silence on all things Lorelai. He vowed not to let the townies know that he even noticed it. But it was upsetting him more and more, and in the end, it was Kirk that broke him. After Kirk spilled his second cup of coffee on the floor while having lunch with Taylor, Luke burst out, "Okay, I've had enough. What the hell is wrong with you people? What, you're finally too busy to make ribbons now?"

The noise at the diner stopped instantly. Everyone looked up at him, then at each other; nobody willing to break the silence. For once, even Taylor found himself at a loss for words.

After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, Miss Patty finally spoke up. "The whole town's gone pink, dear," she said gently. "We don't need ribbons this time."

Babette added, "Sugah, the girl's been sad for so long, we knew it was just a matter of time. I tried to talk to her, but she kept saying everything was fine and dandy. Maybe I should have tried talking to you, but you would have thrown me out of the diner, then where would Morey and I eat?"

Kirk hurriedly chimed in, "Sorry Luke. But you know we all still like you, right?"

"People, this is serious business," Taylor asserted, finally finding his voice again. "I recall Luke that you agreed to leave Stars Hollow if you and Lorelai broke up – which I must point out that you did not do during your last break-up. But given the circumstances, I don't think you need to leave since Lorelai chose to go away herself."

"Unbelievable," Luke muttered under his breath, then stalked up the stairs to get back to his apartment. He didn't even bother to tell Lane and Cesar that he was going – they'd heard everything, and would know he needed to be alone.

He grabbed a beer from his fridge and dropped to his sofa heavily. He knew he's been an ass. Lorelai knows it, Rory knows it, Sookie knows it, and apparently even the whole freaking town knows it.

He took his cap off absently and scratched his head. He didn't know what to do. And worse – he had nobody to talk things over. For once, he realized how alone he truly was. He not only lost his fiancée, he also lost his one true friend here in Stars Hollow – the only person he could really talk to. When his Uncle Louie died, or when Jess was getting too much, he turned to her. He had nobody to turn to now.

Finally, he had to admit the truth to himself. He still loved her. He missed her. He needed her. He wanted her. She was the only one for him. But he hurt her. He neglected her. He took her for granted. He watched her walk away and didn't go after her.

Yes, he was still feeling hurt and betrayed that she slept with Christopher that night. It was a blow to his pride. But if he really thought about it – could he blame her, especially if she thought they were over?

He wondered if she would still give him a chance. If she did, he promised himself he would do everything right this time. He'd move in with her as soon as she gives the word. He'd elope with her to Maryland or he'd knock on as many boat doors as he had to and marry her on the spot if that's what she wanted. Or he would plan an elaborate wedding for her if that's what she preferred. Just as long as he could have her in his life, and in his arms again. He prayed that it wasn't too late.


	8. Decisions, Decisions

**Chapter 8 – Decisions, Decisions**

-oOo-

"Hello, Sookie? It's me. Your prettiest best friend in the world."

"Lorelai!"

"How are things? How's the Inn? How's Michel holding up? Does he hate me to eternity? How's Jackson and the kids? Everything okay?"

Sookie giggled. Lorelai was sounding more like herself. "Honey, I should be the one asking you if you're okay. Where are you now?"

"I'm still in Maryland, trying to decide where I should go next. Should I keep driving around? Or should I go to Virginia? West Virginia? Pennsylvania? Drive all the way to Canada? So many decisions to make!"

"Well, have you done some sightseeing while you're there? I know you've never been to Maryland before. Maybe you can check out some tourist attractions?"

"Nah, not during this trip. I don't like walking around, bumping into people. For some reason, I don't like staying in bed watching movies at the hotel either. I don't even want to go shopping – can you believe that? Which is a good thing too because I'm seriously burning through my savings right now what with paying for hotels and gas and food."

"So what do you do? Just drive around?"

"Yeah. I just like driving. And reading maps. Helps me think. Helps me focus. Which brings me to why I called you in the first place… I need your advice."

Sookie took a deep breath. "Hit me."

"So I called Mike Armstrong from the Durham Group," Lorelai began nervously. "Remember him? The guy who wanted to buy the Dragonfly?"

"Of course I remember him. Why did you call him? Please don't tell me you're selling your share to him! I don't want to own this place with a suit like him! And I'm not selling my share either!"

It was Lorelai's turn to giggle. "Relax, Sookie. He knows we're not selling the Dragonfly whatever happens. It's just that… he told me before that if ever I'm up for a challenge, to let him know and he can line up a consulting job for me. Something part-time, which he thought I'd be good at. So that's why I called him yesterday, I asked him what he had in mind."

"I'm a bit scared to know what he said, but go ahead, honey."

"So basically they go around the country looking for small inns to buy, right? Since he knows I started as a maid and worked my way up, he thought I'd be best qualified to see if an inn is worth buying or not. Sort of like a secret shopper for the Durham Group, you know? I'll stay an inn they're scoping for two to three days, talk to the concierge, eat at the inn's restaurant, chat with the maids and bellboys. Stuff like that. Then I'd send them my observations and recommendations."

"That sounds exciting, Lorelai! So what do you need my advice on?"

"So he's pretty flexible with how to go about it, and asked me what I preferred. One option is for me to go off to a new inn every weekend. It's less disruptive for Dragonfly because I'd still be there on weekdays, but it would be a bit tiring for me. Every Friday afternoon, I'd fly out to wherever the inn is located, then come back to Stars Hollow every Sunday night or Monday morning. That would be my life for about 6 months or so."

"Sounds exhausting. What's the other option?"

"I can finish everything at one go – I go from inn to inn for the next few weeks. So if there are 2 inns in New York, I stay at one for three days, go to the next for another three days, then maybe drive to Maine afterwards for the next inn. They have about 15-20 properties that they want me to scope, so I could be away from Stars Hollow for maybe two or three months straight."

"Have you talked to Rory about this?"

"Not really. I… I'll get her input as well, but I wanted to get my head straight first before I talk to her."

"What's bothering you? Is it because you're worried Michel and I won't be able to handle Dragonfly by ourselves if you're out for 3 months?"

"Well that's one thing. Another thing… Sookie, you've gone through a serious break-up before right?"

"Yeah. Remember Hector, the sous chef from that snooty restaurant in Hartford? We almost moved in together before things fell apart."

"Yeah that's who I meant. Just couldn't remember the guy's name. All I remember is the moustache!"

"The moustache… Yeah… Very pleasant memory, that. Too bad Jackson can't grow a moustache to save his life."

"Sookie!"

"Sorry, sorry. Why did you bring up Hector?"

"So I wanted to ask you… After your break-up, do you think it's easier to try to go back to your old routine… Or is it better to… I don't know…. remove yourself from the whole scene, wait for time to pass, so you can heal and all that jazz, before you try to ease back into your old routine?"

"Are you asking if it would be better for you to be back at Stars Hollow now, seeing Luke and the diner pretty much every day, or just be away for a few months to give yourself time to adjust to your new reality?"

"You know Sookie, sometimes you can be incredibly perceptive."

"I have my moments," Sookie said solemnly. "I have a question though. And you won't like it."

"Hit me."

"If you saw Luke today, and he said sorry for everything he's done, and he'll let you meet April now, and he'll marry you whenever you like… What would you say to him?"

Lorelai was silent for a moment as she pondered. "Honestly, I don't know. That's the worst part. I might take him back again. But I'll just be scared that nothing will change and he'll end up hurting me again. I still love him, Sookie, that's why it hurts so bad. That's why I had to go on this stupid road trip far, far away from Stars Hollow."

"Then maybe you still need more space. More time away from Luke, away from the diner, away from Stars Hollow. Until you can build your defenses all nice and strong."

"You're right, Sookie," Lorelai sighed. "I don't think I'm ready to come back yet. But would you guys be okay with me away for that long? Maybe you can hire someone temporary to cover for me?"

"We'll figure it out, honey, don't worry about the Inn. I'll talk to Michel tomorrow. You better call Rory before you decide though – see what she thinks."

"Yeah, you're right. I'll call her now. Thanks again sweetie."

-oOo-

After hanging up with Sookie, Lorelai called Rory and explained the situation to her, asking for her opinion. She went on and on about the advantages and disadvantages of each option, knowing that Rory had a pen ready and was doing a pro/con list while they talked.

Finally, Lorelai had to ask. "So which option wins in the almighty pro/con list?"

"Mom, I think you should stay away from Stars Hollow for a bit. That option kicks the other option's butt in the pro/con list. You won't be so tired, you'd be able to concentrate on your new job better, you'd be away from Luke and all the drama back at Stars Hollow, you'll be able to heal in peace. Plus, Sookie already said being away from Dragonfly for that long won't be a problem."

Lorelai couldn't speak for a moment and listened as Rory continued. "But you'll have to email me your detailed itinerary and the addresses of all the inns you'll be visiting. I plan to visit you and go all mystery shoppery with you. Maybe I can even help!"

"That sounds like fun! I'd love that, Sweets!"

"So when will it start?"

"I'll have to call Mike Armstrong first. See when I can start. I'll probably have to swing by Stars Hollow first to get more clothes. Seriously man, I'll have to visit a laundromat soon – I'm running out of clean clothes to wear and I'm just not in the mood to go shopping."

"No! Mother! What are you saying? Shopping is an activity that you should always be in the mood for! That is what you taught me!"

Lorelai laughed. "Sorry Sweets, I've been out of sorts lately. But you know what… This job excites me. It takes my mind out of the break-up and my sad pathetic love life, as well as the state of my sad pathetic eggs…"

"Mom!"

"Perhaps I'll be a nun and be celibate forever and ever."

"Somehow I can't imagine that happening. Mom, why don't you go and hit a bar or something tonight. Don't get drunk or anything, just… wear a nice dress and let guys buy you drinks. Helps with the mood, trust me. Suddenly you'll feel all pretty and desirable again."

"Thanks for the suggestion hon, but I didn't really pack any dresses for this road trip. And like I said, I didn't really want to go shopping. But I'll keep that in mind the next time I think of me and my lonely, shriveled up eggs."

"Mom!"

"Anyway, I have to go. I'll let you know soon okay?"

"Bye Mom."


	9. The Separation

**Chapter 9 – The Separation**

-oOo-

Lorelai was both thrilled and nervous when Mike told her she could start in 3 days. She told him she planned on driving back to Stars Hollow first to get more clothes, but he said the company will give her a clothing allowance so she can just go and buy new clothes and not bother heading home. Since she was already in Maryland, the office set up her itinerary to start with two properties in Maryland that they had their eye on, and she'll go from there.

Lorelai couldn't believe her luck. Not only is she getting a free shopping spree, she didn't even need to worry about her accommodations or gas or even meals anymore. Everything will be paid for.

As promised, she forwarded the itinerary to Rory as soon as she got it. Rory immediately replied that she will come for the entire New York leg – two properties, 6 days. Lorelai couldn't wait.

She realized though that she now had to properly process her break-up. During the first few days, she would just tire herself out driving around, then head to the hotel to shower and sleep. As soon as she woke up, she'd get dressed, grab a bite to eat and some coffee, then she'd be out driving again.

While driving, she would avoid thinking about Luke, because every time she did, she'd start crying. And crying wasn't the safest thing to do when one is driving. She shuddered at a near-accident she had on her first day because her eyes were so blurred with tears that she didn't notice the red light and almost wasn't able to brake on time.

But now that she'd be staying at inns – actually staying in the room, by herself, all alone, for hours on end – she knew she'd have to think about Luke. And she had to let herself grieve and wallow, so that she can finally move on. After this consulting gig, she wants to go back to Stars Hollow, pick up her life, and be able to see him and maybe even talk to him without feeling any pain or bitterness in her heart.

Luke was still trying to call her every day. Sometimes he would call early in the morning, when he surely would know she was still asleep – sometimes he would call very late at night, way past his bed time. Sometimes she wondered why he was calling, but she never picked up his calls and never called him back. _Maybe he misses me after all,_ she mused to herself. _Maybe he finally realized what a jerk he's been. Or maybe he just wants some closure – just a final conversation to end our decade-long friendship and our two-year relationship and our one-year engagement._

She sometimes wondered if he was dating again. And if he was, did he introduce April to the lucky lady? Or maybe the lucky lady was Anna, as she long suspected… She tried not to think about it too much, and stopped herself from asking Sookie if she heard anything. It shouldn't matter if he was dating again or not. It wasn't her business to know.

One night, when she was feeling particularly lonely, she took Rory's advice and put on a tight blue dress and went to the bar. Like Rory predicted, she got one free drink after another, but she always waved off any guy who tried to sit next to her at the counter. She only chatted with the bartender, an elderly man named Julio, the whole night.

Rory was right – it was an ego boost to know that you're nearing 40 and still getting lots of male attention. Except that this wasn't the male attention she wanted in the first place. She only wanted one man's attention, and that one man was back in Stars Hollow, probably sound asleep… _Stop,_ she chided herself. _Another drink to help me forget._ She caught Julio's eyes and raised a glass of wine to his direction, silently toasting him. _Here's to me. And to Rory. And to Sookie. And to Julio, who has no idea who I am except that I'm the tipsy chick he has to keep supplying with booze. Cheers._

-oOo-

When Lorelai didn't come back a week after they broke up, Luke began to worry even more. Was she ever coming back? She tried calling Rory again, but she still wouldn't pick up his calls. He went back to Sookie, dreading the lecture that she would unleash on him, but she was surprisingly calm and said Lorelai was fine, not to worry about her, and she'll come back when she wants to. Luke even resorted to asking Jackson if he wanted to grab a beer at KC's, hoping he would have some information he could share, but apparently Sookie wouldn't tell him anything either. He also tried Babette and Miss Patty, but they both had no idea where Lorelai was and when (and if) she'll ever come back. Everyone in town was kind to him, but he knew deep down that everyone couldn't help but blame him for Lorelai's departure.

He started driving by to the Crap Shack once a day to see if her Jeep was back. He still had a key, but he didn't feel right to use it anymore since they've broken up. Sometimes he would bring a beer and sit at the porch at night, staring at the chuppah, for an hour or so. He wondered if he should just take it down and chop it for firewood. Sometimes, Morey and Babette would see him from their front porch, and raise their glasses to him in a silent toast.

When Anna called him one day to set up another "family dinner," he finally told her that although he would like to maintain a friendly relationship with her since she was April's mother, that was as far as they would get. There would be no kissing and no flirting. He told her that April didn't really like the whole nuclear family bonding thing that Anna claimed was April's idea all along, hence he'd prefer not to come.

Anna was affronted and told him he can't very well pick and choose the times he can see _her_ daughter; it was take it or leave it. They came as a package – April and her. Luke tried to keep his cool when he reminded her that April was _their_ daughter, not just _hers._ He had his rights as a father, dammit. Rights that she conveniently forgot about in the first 12 years of April's life. He had a right to see April, but had no obligation to see Anna.

The next day, Luke hired a lawyer to ask the courts for joint custody, to avoid any other tricks that Anna may have up her sleeves. _About damn time,_ thought the townspeople when the news hit the gossip mill.


	10. The Question of Love

**Chapter 10 – The Question of Love**

-oOo-

Whenever Lorelai remembered the last few months of her relationship with Luke, she couldn't help being ashamed of herself. Since when did she become this person who was so afraid to say anything? Since when did she let someone step all over her? Since when did she become the girl who would do anything to make sure her man won't leave her? _I'm not that girl,_ she reminded herself. _I'm better than that. I'm stronger than that._

She hated to think what kind of example she set for Rory. Perhaps that's why she was never comfortable telling Rory about what happened. She was scared that someday, Rory would be in the same position – perhaps with Logan – and would suffer in silence simply because she didn't want to be dumped.

 _If I'm ever in another relationship, I'll do better,_ she swore to herself. _I'll never forget who I am and what I deserve. I deserve to be loved._

She always wondered if Luke still loved her during the last few months of their relationship. She already told him when they were at Martha's Vineyard that she needed to hear it from him. He was never one to say "I love you" often, but before it was okay because he always let his actions speak. And she always felt loved. But the last few months were different, because his actions were speaking the exact opposite of love.

When she first mentioned her doubts to Sookie, she waved them away dismissively. "Honey, everyone knows Luke loves you. He's been pining for you for years! That doesn't just go away."

Although Sookie meant well, the words actually hurt her. She couldn't understand why. Maybe because it made it seem that her doubts were just her silly imagination. Maybe because Sookie didn't ask why she was feeling that way about Luke, to see if there may be an ounce of truth in her statement. She just dismissed it as impossible, because everyone knows Luke loves her.

But come to think of it, she shouldn't even have gone to Sookie to discuss her doubts in the first place. She should have gone to Luke. She should have made him understand that everything he did was making her feel unloved and unwanted. Maybe that would have worked better than the catastrophic ultimatum bombshell that she dropped on him. _Well, you live, you learn,_ she thought to herself, shrugging her shoulders.

Before going to sleep, she decided to check her messages. She had one from Sookie, telling him that Luke has been trying to ask around town if anybody knew where Lorelai is. Should Sookie tell him or not? Lorelai called her back to say, please don't tell him. I'll call him when I'm ready.

-oOo-

"Mr. Danes, the character reference from your sister was very… sweet, but it won't help you win your case."

Luke stared at the phone, wondering what to say. "What do you mean, it won't help?" He hated talking to lawyers, but now it seems he had to talk to them every single day, whether on the phone or in their stuffy offices. He sighed.

"Well… it talked about how you were a track star in high school. How you punched a ten-year-old boy bullying your baby sister when you were eight. A judge won't care about these stories. You need to find someone else who can write a character reference for you. Someone who can talk about what a good father-figure you are."

"I really don't know who to ask," Luke admitted. "I don't have that many friends here in town."

"You better figure out something quickly if you want a shot at joint custody, Mr. Danes. Call me if you need anything."

Luke sat back in deep thought. The one person who can really help him right now wasn't here. If anyone could convince a judge that he was fit enough to be a father, it would be Lorelai Gilmore. She was the only one who really knew him – the real him, underneath the gruff and cranky persona. The only one who got close enough.

But then again, even if she was back in Stars Hollow, he wouldn't feel right asking Lorelai for this favor. Not after he effectively used April to push her out of his life.

Rory would be another good choice. She knew he was a softy when it came to her and her well-being. Perhaps she could write something… but what? That he put her ex-boyfriend on a headlock in the street because they broke up? That he made her a coffee cake and blew up balloons on her birthday? And again, he wouldn't feel right asking Lorelai's daughter for this favor, after he tried to avoid introducing her to her future _step-sister,_ and was only forced to do so when they met by accident during Jess' open house.

 _Jess!_ he thought. Maybe Jess would be willing to write something for him. Granted, he was not the best father figure in Jess' life. And he pushed him into the lake once, for crying out loud. But since Jess did well despite (or because) of Luke, perhaps he would be big hearted enough to do a favor for his uncle. He reached for the phone and called Jess.

After Luke explained to Jess what he needed and why, Jess immediately assured him that it was no problem, he'd get on it right away. But he couldn't help asking the obvious question. "Why don't you ask Lorelai to do it, Luke? I mean, she's known you longer and better than I do."

"Jess, we broke up. I thought Liz told you?"

"Yeah, because you cancelled the wedding and kept April from her."

"I did not cancel the wedding. It was just postponed."

"Indefinitely. If you postpone something indefinitely, it's as good as cancelled."

Luke was taken aback. It never occurred to him that Lorelai might have thought the wedding was cancelled, not just postponed. Maybe that's why she told him that she felt it was never happening when they were at Martha's Vineyard. He cringed when he remembered how he always tried to change the subject whenever she tried to get him to set a new wedding date.

"Anyway… that's all water under the bridge," Luke muttered. "I, uh, I can't ask her to do it."

"Why not? Was the break-up that horrible that you can't ask her, even as a friend, to help you out just this once?"

"To help me win custody of my daughter, who I didn't even want to introduce to her in the first place?"

"If I know Lorelai, I'm sure she'd do it, regardless of how horrible the break-up may have been. I think you should still try to ask for her help. Or Rory's at least. She always told me she thought of you as her father since you were always there and her real father never was."

Luke felt a tug in his heart at the words. To gain one daughter, he forgot about another. He sighed. He was embarrassed to admit this, but he had no choice. It was the only way for Jess to understand why he couldn't ask Lorelai or Rory for help. "Neither of them are taking my calls. I'm not really their favorite person right now."

"They haven't taken your calls? How often do you try to call them? Maybe you keep calling them when they're busy with something else."

"I call Lorelai several times every day for the past month. I call Rory every few days. They're avoiding me. Neither wants to talk to me, and I can't blame them. My last conversations with both of them were… not happy."

Jess whistled. "Wow, Uncle Luke. I had no idea you screwed things up this badly. Those two girls are the kindest, most forgiving people I know. Well, they're also the most talkative and most voracious eaters I know, but that's beside the point. I mean if they refuse to even talk to you… You must have done something really bad."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay. I'll send the character reference as soon as I can. And Luke…" Jess hesitated, trying to think of the right thing to say. "Things will work out."

"Thanks, Jess."


	11. I Hear Your Voice

**Chapter 11 – I Hear Your Voice**

-oOo-

It's been two months since the break-up. Luke still called Lorelai at least twice every day, but she still wouldn't pick up his calls. He went back to Sookie a few more times to ask for her help, but she kept saying Lorelai wasn't ready to talk to him yet. The only good thing was that Luke noticed that Sookie has become less angry and more sympathetic towards him. It was probably because of pity, because he's starting to look a tad pathetic, but he didn't even care anymore.

One night, he tried to watch baseball at his apartment to pass the time, but he found himself unable to concentrate. He stood up and got a beer from the fridge before trying to focus on the game again. After two more beers, Luke gave up. He couldn't take it anymore – he needed to hear Lorelai's voice. Maybe it was the alcohol giving him liquid courage, but he decided to finally leave a voicemail for Lorelai. He didn't even know if she would listen or delete the voicemail as soon as she realized it was from him, but he had to try.

Lorelai had her final dinner at the inn she was checking out in Vermont for the Durham group. Unsatisfied with dinner, she decided to raid the mini-bar at her room for snacks while she decided what her final recommendation for the inn would be. Tomorrow, she was checking out and driving to the other inn in Vermont that the Durham group had their eye on.

There was a lot of room for improvement for this particular inn – staff morale was low, the guest rooms needed redecoration, the kitchen menu was uninspired. But these were things that could easily be remedied with proper management and sufficient funding.

After nearly an hour mulling over a pack of Oreos, she emailed her report to Mike Armstrong, before checking on her voicemails. She had a rambling one from Rory telling her about Paris' latest exploits, one from Sookie talking about a small kitchen fire (again) at the Dragonfly and some local gossip, and another one from her mother, asking if she wanted new drapes at the Crap Shack. But she was most surprised when she heard a familiar baritone in the last message:

"Uh…. Hi, it's uh, me, Luke. I know you don't want to talk, but, uh… I would… I would really like to talk to you. Please. I don't even know where you are, and it's driving me crazy… Please, just tell me where you are and I'll come. Just to talk, nothing else. Just one time. Please. After that, I won't bother you again, I promise. There are just some things I need to tell you. So… uh, call me back, please? Thanks. Bye."

Stunned, she played the message again. He sounded like he really needed to talk. Sookie mentioned the other day that he's been dropping by the Dragonfly regularly to ask about her. Perhaps it was time…

She started to wonder if her decision to run away from Stars Hollow and not talk to him at all was wise. Perhaps, what she really needed to get closure and be able to finally move on is to have a final talk with him.

However, she was worried that once she sees Luke, she'd just throw herself in his arms. If he told her he still loved her, or that he loves her again, she was afraid that she would want to get back together without even talking about their issues at all. But that can't happen. She had to be strong. She can't get hurt again. With a deep breath, she called Luke, half expecting him to be asleep already, but he picked up after the first ring.

"Hello?"

The rush of unexpected emotion almost chocked her. "Luke, it's me."

"Lorelai," he breathed. Now that he had her on the phone, he couldn't think of what to say.

She waited for him to say more and when he didn't, she spoke. "You said you wanted to talk?"

"Yes, yes, sorry… I, I blanked out for a second there. I can't believe you called me back. Thank you," he replied nervously. He knew he was on the verge of rambling, but he couldn't seem to help it. "I… uh, do you mind telling me where you are now? Can I come over… just to talk?"

"I'll probably be back in Stars Hollow in two or three weeks. My contract is almost up."

"Contract?"

"Long story," Lorelai replied. "So if you like, we can talk when I get back."

Luke cleared his throat. He can't wait three more weeks! "I, uh, I'd really like to talk to you sooner than that if you don't mind."

"Well, I'll be in Maine in three days. We can meet there if you like? I mean, I know it's a long drive and all, but…"

"Maine is perfect. Three days, so that will be on Friday, right? Can I… Can I take you out for dinner then? And we can talk after?"

Lorelai paused, thinking. She would love to have dinner with Luke – but it would seem too much like a date, and she had to get out of the dating mindset when it comes to her ex-fiancé. "I'm not sure that's a good idea," she hedged. "I'll get there a little after lunch, maybe we can meet around 3 in the afternoon to talk?"

Luke could sense her reluctance and decided not to push it. "Sure, I understand. Uh, where should I pick you up?"

"I'll have to check my itinerary first, then I'll give you a call with the address of the inn where I'll be staying. I guess we can meet at the lobby at 3 on Friday."

"Okay, I'll wait for your call with the details. Thanks for agreeing to see me."

"Yeah. Um… listen, I have to go now."

"Of course, of course. Um, Lorelai..." He wanted to say more, like how much he missed her, how much he looked forward to seeing her again, how much he still loved her – but this was not the right time. He took a deep breath. "I'll see you Friday."

-oOo-

The next day, Lorelai left a message in Luke's answering machine with the address of the inn in Maine where they would meet on Friday. She called him at his apartment at a time when she was certain he'd be at the diner, busy with the lunch crowd.

She told Sookie and Rory that Luke will be driving to Maine for their talk. What she didn't tell them was how nervous she was. She decided that whatever happens, she will _not_ be getting back together with Luke after their conversation. She needed to stay strong.


	12. The Talk

**Chapter 12 – The Talk**

-oOo-

Luke told Cesar and Lane that he'd be gone for a few days starting Thursday, and left it up to them whether they wanted to open the diner or not. After a brief discussion, they both decided to keep the diner open but to close earlier in the evenings. Luke nodded, his mind elsewhere.

He decided to leave early on Thursday to make sure he'd be at the inn before 3 pm on Friday without fail. He gave himself a one-day buffer in case the truck breaks down, or he gets stuck in a road accident, or something. There was no way he would miss this opportunity to see Lorelai again and finally talk to her. He wondered whether it would be okay if he got a room in the same inn, but decided against it. He could sense that Lorelai was trying to keep her distance, refusing even to have dinner with him, so he didn't need to make the situation more awkward.

He packed his "date clothes,", the same ones Lorelai bought for him years ago when he was still with Rachel. He didn't wear them often, so they still looked new. He wondered how long he should stay in Maine, perhaps she'd agree to go out with him on Saturday? Better pack enough clothes to last at least a week.

-oOo-

Lorelai arrived at the inn in Maine at one in the afternoon. After picking on a sandwich for lunch, she decided to take a bubble bath to help her relax. In just a few hours, she'd be seeing Luke again. _Luke._ My _Luke,_ she thought, then immediately chastised herself. Luke was not _hers._ Luke will never be hers again. She had to be strong.

She wondered what she should wear. She didn't want to put a dress on and look as if she's making too much effort to look good for him. She decided to wear a sleek navy blue top and jeans, which she paired with flats. She wanted to look casual, heck she wanted to _feel_ casual. But she couldn't do anything about the butterflies in her stomach.

At exactly three, she walked to the lobby, hoping that she didn't look as nervous as she felt. Even though she expected to see Luke there already – he was never late after all – she couldn't help the sudden rush of emotion at seeing him in his "date clothes." She approached him tentatively with a shy smile."

"Have you been waiting long?"

He was looking at the opposite direction, thinking that's where she would be coming from, but started at the sound of her voice. "Lorelai!" he exclaimed. "Not long, I got here at 2:30. You're early."

"I'm right on time."

"Yeah, I just… I wasn't expecting you for another twenty minutes or so."

She knew he was referring to her penchant for being late for every date. "Well, things change."

Luke was a bit thrown off that Lorelai wasn't really talking much. Usually, conversations between them had Lorelai taking up at least 75% of the time talking. He felt the change in the dynamics, and knew he had to step up this time and be the one to talk.

"So I was thinking we could drive to a nearby park to talk? I've been there before with Liz and TJ during the Renaissance Fair a few years back. We can have some privacy there, and the view is great. I think you'll like it. I mean, it's not completely isolated, but we can talk without worrying about people listening to us…"

"Sounds good, Luke."

"Okay, I'll just get my truck from the parking and meet you at the front. I should be here in 5 minutes."

"I can walk with you to the truck, no problem."

Luke stood for a moment just looking at Lorelai. She was barely making eye contact and seemed distant. Without a word, he gestured to the front door and when she nodded, he started walking to the direction of his truck. She followed without walking too close to him. If anyone saw them, they would surely think they were two mere acquaintances, what with the distance between them and the general air of awkwardness.

When they got to the truck, he nervously opened the door for her and waited for her to get in. He couldn't remember being more nervous than this – he was even more nervous than he was on their first date.

As soon as he started his truck, he tried to make some small talk. "So do you mind telling me what you're doing here in Maine?"

"I have another job."

"Another job?"

"Yeah. I'm doing some freelance consulting for the Durham Group."

The name rang a bell but it took him some time to place it. "Is that the company that wanted to buy the Dragonfly last year?"

"Yeah. I look at properties they're interested in, to see if I think it's a good buy."

"That sounds… exciting. It's a huge responsibility." Deep down, he wondered whether she took this job for the extra money to pay her parents back.

"It's something to do."

He tried to open a few more topics for discussion during the twenty-minute drive, but nothing really worked and the conversation was filled with awkward silences.

When they arrived at the park, he noticed that Lorelai immediately opened her door and jumped out, not giving him the chance to open the door for her. He got a few bags from the back of the truck and gestured to Lorelai to follow him along the gravelly pathway. They arrived the picnic area, with a lovely view of the beach and the nearby mountains. Only another picnic table was occupied, by an elderly couple with a dog. They left after an hour or so.

Lorelai stood transfixed at the view and breathed deeply. The place was so tranquil and she immediately felt at peace. She barely noticed Luke pulling out stuff from one of the two bags he was carrying. When she looked, she was surprised to see the table filled with snacks.

Luke cleared his throat. "So I knew you didn't really feel like going out to dinner with me," he began. "But I thought I could bring some snacks so you don't get hungry while we talk."

"This is great," Lorelai smiled, looking through the spread. "Wow. You even got Red Vines."

"Yeah, I got those from Doose's actually," Luke replied. "Here's a thermos of coffee as well, I bought it from a small coffee shop near where you're staying. The concierge said they serve the best coffee in the area, but I wouldn't know."

Lorelai opened a container and began to giggle. "Luke Danes. Did you get me chili to go with the Pringles that I see over here?"

"Yeah," Luke replied, thrilled to hear her laughing. "You always bugged me to serve chili-topped Pringles at Luke's, so I thought I'd look for a place selling chili and got those for takeout for you."

"Well thanks. I appreciate this. Coffee, doughnuts, cookies, pastries, Red Vines, Pringles… all we need is a movie and we'll be all set for a movie marathon." Suddenly, Lorelai noticed another bag which still looked full. "What's in that bag?"

Luke shifted uneasily. "I, uh… I know sometimes you get uncomfortable when talking about serious topics. You get fidgety with your hands, so I thought I'd bring you a few knitting needles and some yarn, in case knitting would help you relax."

Lorelai looked up at him, surprised at his thoughtfulness. The man in front of her seemed to be like the old Luke, the one who was so attuned to her and her mood, and not the Luke of the past few months, the one who was so distant. "Thanks. That was very thoughtful of you."

"So… shall we eat first?"

"I'm not really hungry yet, maybe I'll just have some coffee for now," she replied. She reached for the thermos and took a sip. "Not bad."

"So I guess this is the part where I should start to talk, right?" Luke asked nervously.

"Yeah."


	13. The Truth and Nothing But

**Chapter 13 – The Truth and Nothing But**

-oOo-

This is it. This was his chance. Luke took a deep breath. "I want to let you know that I've thought about all of this for two months now, so this may sound a bit rehearsed." He looked at her and noticed her watching him closely. "First, just so there is no confusion as to my intentions – I want to be clear that I would like to get back together with you. If you will have me again."

Lorelai was so shocked that she choked on her coffee. After coughing continually for a minute, she finally got things under control enough to stammer, "Sorry, I didn't expect that."

"I just want it out there, Lorelai. I'm tired of not being able to say this to you. I love you. I miss you. I just want to be with you." He looked at her longingly, as she stared at him with wide eyes. "But there are things I need to tell you first. And… And I understand if you decide you don't want to be with me anymore. In which case, I still want to have this conversation because I owe you a hell of an apology for everything that happened."

Without thinking, Lorelai reached for a needle and some yarn, and began to knit. She glanced up at Luke and nodded, waiting for him to continue speaking.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about April for two months. She just went to the diner one day in a crazy bike helmet. She talked on and on about a science fair at her school, and doing a DNA test to find out who her father is. Next thing I know, she pulled my hair and took my picture and ran off." He grabbed a bottle of water and took a long drink.

Lorelai kept on knitting with her eyes down, and didn't say a word. Luke decided to continue with his story. "I tried to forget about it afterwards. I mean, I really thought it impossible that I would have gotten some girl pregnant. I've never really casually dated, you know? I only slept with women I was in a relationship with. And none of the women I was with would ever hide my own child from me. At least, that's what I thought. The kid must have made a mistake when she included me in the list of contenders."

 _So he had a relationship with Anna,_ Lorelai thought. _She wasn't just some one-night stand._ She shook her head in disbelief that she was only hearing about all this _now,_ when they were already broken up. She tried to ask Luke about April's mother before, but he always evaded her questions.

"Anna and I were together for about a year. She was there when I opened the diner. My father died, then Rachel left me, and… I guess I was a little lonely. One of my friends set us up on a blind date, and we hit it off. A lot of people thought she was my rebound, and I guess she was, in a way. But she was a very nice girl."

"Luke, you don't need to tell me this. We're not in a relationship anymore."

"I get how you feel that way," Luke replied. "But these are things you should know. These are things you should always have known from the start. Sorry I didn't tell you before."

Lorelai shrugged and went back to knitting. Maybe she should make a scarf. Do something productive while she's here listening to the story of Luke's life. She took a bite of a doughnut before picking up the needle again.

"We broke up a month after I opened the diner. She said I was too busy with work, and that I didn't make time for her. I didn't have any employees back then, so it was just me taking orders, manning the kitchen, bussing the tables, and settling the payments. At the end of the day, I was too exhausted to drive to Woodbridge to see her. I didn't really love her, she was just good company, so it wasn't that big of a deal when we broke up."

Luke started picking on the label of his water bottle with his fingernails nervously. "I… I, uh, found out recently she was dating other guys behind my back when we were in a relationship. That's why April had to do a DNA test on three guys to find out who her father is… Anyway, Anna found out that she was pregnant a month after we broke up. She suspected it was mine, but wasn't really sure. She didn't need money, she wasn't sure whose baby it was, so she decided not to tell me. Or the other two guys."

Luke stopped talking for a bit to see how Lorelai was taking it. By all appearances, she was concentrating on her knitting and nothing else. But her posture was tense and her ear was cocked to his direction, and he knew she was listening as hard as she can. "So that's all that happened with Anna before I met you," Luke began. Now, he was approaching a more sensitive topic, and he was terrified of how she would react. "Now I need to tell you everything that happened with Anna when we were together." Lorelai's head flew up in surprise. "Did… did something happen with the two of you?" she asked in a strained voice. "I didn't sleep with her if that's what you mean." Luke replied readily. "But the situation was not as innocent as I wanted you to believe back then." He took a deep breath. "Rory told me you know about the dinners I had with Anna and April."

"It wasn't that difficult to figure out, Luke," Lorelai replied slowly. "Everyone knew what time you left the diner to drive April home. Usually, you'd be back in twenty minutes after you drop her off. But a few times, you came back more than two hours after. It wasn't just me who noticed it, a couple of townies did as well. Even Cesar and Lane did. Lane tried to ask me subtly if I knew about it, but I reassured her that I trusted you. Then Kirk heard you talking about your family dinner with April once, and he thought I should know."

Luke shook his head at his stupidity. How could he think he could hide anything? "I'm sorry about that. And thank you for trusting me. I don't think I've earned your trust or deserved it at that point though." He sighed heavily. "When Anna first brought up the family dinner, she said it was April's idea – that April wanted to feel how it would be to have both her mother and father at the same table, together, eating like a regular family. How could I say no to that?"

"Luke, if you told me about it, I would have encouraged you to go. I mean, I'm a single mom. I've been through the same thing. You do what's best for your child."

"I know," Luke said regretfully. "But I wasn't really thinking straight during that time. And… And I wasn't really being completely open with you. I'm so sorry."

"Water under the bridge," Lorelai said shortly and returned to her knitting.

"Anyway, during the first dinner, I noticed that April looked uncomfortable. I didn't say anything, thinking that maybe she just needed time to adjust to having both parents around. After a few weeks, Anna asked me over for another family dinner, and I said yes again. I realize now that I should have spoken to April first. She didn't like the idea, especially when her mom started flirting with me during dinner."

Lorelai never took her eyes off her knitting, but for a second, she looked positively livid. Luke watched her as she tried to hide her emotion, settling back to a neutral expression.

Luke continued. "On the third and fourth dinner, the flirting got worse, but I started ignoring Anna and talking only to April. Anna walked me back to my truck at the end of the evening, when she suddenly leaned over and… and she kissed me."

Lorelai started, but she didn't look up, waiting for Luke to continue his story. "Anna kissed me, and I pulled away. I didn't kiss her back, Lorelai. But I didn't say anything either. I didn't tell her not to kiss me again. And I didn't tell you, which made me feel as if I've cheated on you. I felt like such an ass."

He could hear her muttering under her breath, but she was too far away for him to make out any of the words. She still refused to look at him and stared steadily at the scarf she was knitting as if her life depended on it.

"I… I'm so sorry, Lorelai. Please believe me when I say that I have absolutely no feelings for Anna. But… But there was a part of me wondering if it was my obligation to be with her, because we had a kid together. In a way, I suppose it was similar to when your parents wanted you to marry Christopher when you got pregnant. There's a sense of… a sense of _obligation_ , a sense of duty or whatever, that you have to be a family."

Without looking, Lorelai muttered, "I said no when Christopher proposed."

"I know. You were always quicker than me to figure things out. It is not to the child's best interest if the parents got together only for the sake of the baby. There has to be more. There has to be love and commitment and respect. And in my case we weren't even talking about a baby anymore, April was a teenager. I… I'm sorry it took me a while to figure that out."

Finally, Lorelai looked at him. He could see the pain in her eyes, that she was trying so hard to hide, and it broke his heart. "I… I had no idea you were thinking of getting back together with Anna while we were together. Was that… was that when you stopped loving me?"

Luke's jaw dropped. "What?" he asked, incredulously. "What… what do you mean?"

Lorelai seemed to struggle to find the words. "Towards the end of our relationship, I… I felt like you didn't love me anymore. I mean, you wouldn't even sleep at my place anymore. You wouldn't move in. You didn't want me around April… Was it because you were thinking of Anna?"

"No, Lorelai, no…" Luke said, his voice emotional. "I loved you. I still love you. I never once stopped loving you. I was just in my head all the time. I guess sub-consciously, I knew I was neglecting you, but… but I didn't know what to do."

Lorelai continued looking at him, her eyes brimming with tears, which she tried to blink back rapidly. "Never mind, I, uh, I shouldn't have asked. Water under the bridge and all that."

Luke reached out for her hand tentatively. She flinched at his touch, but didn't pull away. "Lorelai, I'm so sorry," Luke stammered. "I didn't know… I didn't know you got to the point where you thought I didn't love you. I, I don't know what to say." A horrible thought suddenly entered his mind. "So that night… that night at the street, when you asked me to elope, and you asked me if I loved you… you really weren't sure? You really didn't know whether I love you or not?"

Lorelai looked down. "No, I really didn't know. That's why I asked."

"Lorelai, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. Please believe me. Please… please forgive me."

Lorelai could see the sincerity in his eyes. After a minute, she pulled her hand and looked away. She picked up her knitting again. Luke could almost see her putting her walls back up.


	14. Forgiveness

**Chapter 14 – Forgiveness**

-oOo-

Neither of them spoke for several minutes. The label in Luke's water bottle was completely scratched off. He took a carrot stick and chewed it slowly while staring at the ocean. Lorelai continued to knit silently, stopping every so often to sip some coffee.

"So finally I spoke to Anna. I told her I was committed to you. I tried to set some boundaries with her, make her understand that the two of us… it just won't happen. She was furious. She told me that she and April were a package deal. If I didn't want to be with her, I can forget about spending time with April. She wouldn't allow it. And she stopped allowing April to visit me. So I called a lawyer and sued for joint custody."

This was news to her. She wondered if Sookie knew about it, and decided not to tell her. "How did it go?"

"I won. I get April every other weekend, one month during school holidays, and every other holiday. Anna doesn't call the shots anymore."

Lorelai gave him a sincere smile. "I'm happy for you," she mumbled. She tried to avoid wondering why he didn't sue for custody sooner, before the whole April and Anna situation caused their relationship to combust. _I have to let this go,_ she thought.

"April also helped to clear my head. She told me she didn't like the family dinners. It was never her idea in the first place – that was all Anna. In fact, during one of the dinners, she outright asked about you. She likes you, even though the only time you spent together was during the birthday party. She knew that there wasn't any love between Anna and I, and the last thing she wanted was being in the middle of a love-less relationship. Her best friend at school was dealing with the divorce of her parents, and April didn't want any of that drama."

"That's one perceptive kid," Lorelai observed.

"Yeah. I wish I spoke to her sooner. She was very concerned about why you were never around when she came to visit. She… she thought you didn't like her. She was afraid to ask me, especially since she was just getting to know me. I… I explained to her that it was all my fault, that I was being stupid."

Lorelai nodded, but it broke her heart thinking that April thought she didn't like the girl.

"So that's pretty much everything I wanted to say. I… I know I was neglecting you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. There is no excuse. You deserve better. And if you'll let me, I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

Lorelai shook her head. "Luke, I don't blame you for the entire break-up. I… I'm the one who tried to force you to… to marry me when you were not ready," she said with a catch in her voice. She cleared her throat before talking again. "I'm the one who slept with someone else after. I'm… I'm sorry about that, Luke."

Luke stared at the ocean. "I can't pretend that the thought of you and Christopher doesn't still hurt. When you told me that morning, it felt like my world just… just collapsed around me. But I've made my peace with it."

"Have you really?"

"Yes. If I haven't, I wouldn't have come here to ask you to give us a chance again."

Lorelai was silent before she spoke again. "For all it's worth, it really didn't mean anything. I… I just didn't want to be alone that night. I felt like _my_ world just collapsed around me. I gave you an ultimatum, you said no. I walked away and you didn't come after me. I felt like I've lost the love of my life. I was a mess that night. I don't even know how I got to his apartment. I cried and cried, we started drinking more than we should, and that's when it happened."

For the second time that afternoon, Luke reached over and took her hand, giving it a slight squeeze before letting go. She didn't flinch at his touch this time.

"I'm sorry too that I didn't tell you how I felt. I was just… I don't know, I was afraid if I push you too hard, you'd leave me. And I couldn't take that. So I just tried to carry on and pretend that I was fine with everything. Fine with you keeping me away from April. Fine with you not wanting to set a new wedding date. Fine with you hiding your family dinners at Woodbridge from me. I should have said something. I should have called you out. I shouldn't have waited until I reached the breaking point and had to go all crazy out in the street."

Luke shook his head. "I guess we both have regrets, especially for me. If we can forgive each other, can we… can we consider everything that happened as water under the bridge, as you keep saying, and try to move on from this?"

Lorelai glanced up at him and nodded. She gave him a small smile. "Water under the bridge for me, Luke. Whatever bridge that may be, whether to Terabithia or River Kwai or even Madison County."

Luke smiled, glad that she has finally started joking again. Lorelai continued, "And thank you for explaining everything. I've never heard you talk so much in the ten years that I've known you. Man, imagine the conversations we could have had if you just dropped your Mr. Monosyllabic act."

They shared a few moments of companionable silence, while Lorelai opened her can of Pringles and dipped it in chili. She offered some to Luke, who gamely tried it with a smile before going back to his carrot sticks.

After a big gulp of water, Luke hesitantly asked, "So what does this mean for us? I already told you that I want to get back together with you. But you never said anything. I don't know if you still feel the same way?"

Lorelai sighed, "Luke, my feelings haven't changed. The love… the love is still there. I just… I just don't know if I trust you right now. I'm sorry," she hurried to add when she noticed the grief in Luke's eyes. "I hope you understand, I just can't afford to get hurt again. It took me everything I had to get through the break-up. I had to leave Stars Hollow for months just to get myself back up. I had to drive around from state to state mindlessly to keep myself from breaking down completely. I'm not… I'm not ready to get into a relationship right now."

"Can we at least try to be friends again?" Luke asked. "Then maybe, if you ever change your mind, you could give me a chance again?"

Lorelai smiled. "Let's try to be friends when we get back to Stars Hollow. I'll be back soon anyway."

"But can I call you every day before then? Will you take my calls this time?"

Lorelai laughed self-consciously. "Sorry about that. I just wasn't ready to talk before, you know? I promise to take your calls now, or at least to call you back if you leave me a voice mail."

"That sounds fair. When you go back to Stars Hollow, will you come to the diner again?"

"Sure."

"And if April is there?"

"If she happens to be at the diner when I'm there, then we'll catch up. I miss her. She's a great girl. She reminds me a lot of Rory at that age." Lorelai paused, considering her next words. "But let's not make plans for me to spend time with April separately. I mean, the two of us, we're not together, so there's really no reason."

Luke tried not to feel hurt. After all, it was his fault why they were not in a relationship and why Lorelai was now hesitant to spend time with his daughter. He saw the wisdom of her suggestion though and nodded his head slowly.

"Anyway, we should probably head back soon. I can't believe I finished a whole scarf just listening to you ramble on and on," she teased.

"Do you… do you want to take a walk and watch the sunset before we head back? The sun would be setting soon, maybe in another twenty minutes or so."

Lorelai smiled. "I'd love that."

They started clearing up their things and put everything back in the bag. Luke ran over quickly to the truck to stow everything, while Lorelai strolled towards the shore. Luke caught up with her in no time, and they started walking leisurely together on the beach, not talking.

When the sun began to set, they both stopped as if my mutual agreement to take in the view, standing side by side, their shoulders barely touching. Luke nervously reached over and held her hand, hoping he wasn't being too forward. After a moment's hesitation, Lorelai leaned her head on his shoulder, her heart beating quickly. They stayed like that for several minutes, reveling in the feeling of love and forgiveness and comfort and friendship. Then, they started walking back to the truck. Luke wouldn't let go of her hand, and she didn't seem to mind.


	15. Back to the Hollow

**Chapter 15 – Back to the Hollow**

-oOo-

On the way back to the inn where Lorelai was staying, Luke turned to Lorelai and asked, "Can I take you out tomorrow? Breakfast? Brunch? Lunch? Tea time? Dinner? All of the above?"

Lorelai giggled. "I don't mind having lunch tomorrow. But I have to eat at the inn, so I can assess whether their kitchen is any good or not. Not all small inns have great chefs like Sookie."

"Yeah, Sookie is something else," Luke said with a smile, not talking about her skills as a chef but remembering the talking to he got from Sookie when they first broke up. Lorelai didn't need to know about any of that, especially since he deserved it.

"When are you heading back to Stars Hollow by the way?"

"I was actually planning to stick around as long as you'd let me," he admitted sheepishly. "Cesar and Lane are covering the diner while I'm here."

"You should probably head back soon. Maybe tomorrow or Sunday?"

"Sunday is fine."

"Okay, then how about we do lunch tomorrow and on Sunday before you drive back? You won't mind inn food both times?"

"Not a problem. I'm sure they serve salads."

-oOo-

The lunches they had were friendly, but cordial. Every once in a while, they would banter just like before, though they were a tad more careful about the things they say, avoiding topics that may be misconstrued by the other. Luke missed the intimacy they shared while watching the sunset, and wondered if that would ever come back. However, he could sense that cordial friendship is all Lorelai was prepared to give him for now, and he tried to be content.

Towards the end of their Sunday lunch, Lorelai became more subdued. Luke tried to compensate by telling her funny stories about Kirk, hoping to lift her mood. When Lorelai walked with him back to his truck to say goodbye before he left for Stars Hollow, he wondered if she seemed so sad because he was _leaving_. Maybe she didn't want him to leave, but wouldn't say anything because, hey, they're just friends and nothing else.

He gave him a smile and said, "I'll see you back home in three weeks?"

"You bet," she said in a light-hearted tone, but he could see her struggling with some emotion.

"I'll… I'll miss you Lorelai. I wish I didn't have to go."

"No, no, the diner needs you. Hell, Kirk needs you. We can talk on the phone, no big deal."

"Okay. I'll call you when I get there. Take care of yourself."

"I'll wait for your call. Drive safe," Lorelai said in a forlorn voice. She turned around, about to walk back to the inn's entrance, when she suddenly turned back and threw her arms around him, much to his surprise. He immediately wrapped his arms around her, breathing in the smell of her shampoo, glad to be able to hold her in his arms again even for just a short while. After a minute, she pulled back, stood on tiptoe and placed a gentle kiss on his scruffy cheek. "Bye Luke," she said softly and walked to the inn without looking back.

-oOo-

Days passed and they would talk for a few minutes every day. Sometimes, Lorelai seemed like her old self, babbling on and on about a movie she saw or about how sucky the room service was. Sometimes, she would seem aloof and painfully polite. It drove him crazy, but he knew he had no right to complain. He had to earn her trust again.

She was now in New York, spending the week with Rory. After New York, she would finally head back to Stars Hollow.

-oOo-

The day he's been waiting for finally arrived. Lorelai was back at the Crap Shack, and promised him she'll be at the diner for a quick lunch. Nervously, he waited and waited for her, but she never showed. He stopped himself from running to her house to check on her – reminding himself that he was nothing but a friend and must act accordingly.

She finally came in at 2:30, claiming loudly that she overslept. He wondered briefly if she came late on purpose to avoid the busy lunch crowd. She complained about how tired she was from driving and wanted nothing more than a cheeseburger, chili fries, and coffee.

He noticed that instead of sitting at the counter, as was her wont, she consciously looked around for a townie she knew and asked to sit at the table. That was why she ended up eating her burger next to Rev. Skinner, who was reading a book over tea. Luke didn't bother to mention that April was arriving at 3.

-oOo-

When April arrived, she waved at her dad and went straight to her usual seat at the counter before she noticed Lorelai at one of the tables. Lorelai was saying something to Rev. Skinner, hence she didn't notice the teen when she came in, until she heard a loud voice saying, "Lorelai!"

Lorelai turned in surprise upon seeing April. Without thinking, she glanced at Luke with a fearful expression, almost as if she felt that she was angering Luke by talking to his daughter. Luke looked at her confused, until he realized this must be due to her memory instinctively reminding her of his past behavior.

Luke tried to quickly reassure her that there was no problem by giving her a nod and a small smile, and she seemed to gather her thoughts and remember their last conversation back in Maine. Finally, she turned to April with a smile.

"Hello April! You've grown so much since I last saw you! How are things?"

The two started to chat as if they were old friends. The scene reminded Luke of years past when Lorelai and a thirteen-year-old Rory would be sitting on one of the tables, talking a mile a minute, with huge smiles on their faces. He could see the genuine affection in both Lorelai and April, and he couldn't help but want to kick himself again for not letting them spend time together before.

Luke didn't try to interrupt them except when he refilled Lorelai's coffee and brought out a tuna sandwich for April. Rev. Skinner, who was finding it harder and harder to concentrate on his book, finally took his leave and walked out with a benevolent smile on his face. It was good to see Lorelai happy again.


	16. Easing Back

**Chapter 16 – Easing Back**

-oOo-

Lorelai has been back in Stars Hollow for four months, and nothing much has changed in her relationship with Luke. Occasionally, he would try to ask her out for dinner, or lunch, or to watch movies at the Black, White and Read, but she would either make an excuse or she ask to bring Rory or Sooke with her. It was hard on Luke that she didn't seem to want to spend time with him alone, but he tried to be understanding.

Sometimes, they would banter and bicker at the diner, as they used to, and Luke would almost feel hopeful. But then, she would catch herself and make a conscious effort to put her walls up again, afraid of getting too close. Luke would notice instantly when this happened and tried not to look wounded.

Lorelai felt terrible, wondering if she made the right decision to just be friends even though Luke was very clear that he wanted to get back together again. She didn't want to lead him on, and she didn't want to hurt him. She still wasn't sure she trusted him again, but she could see that he was really trying.

One night, when the diner was about to close and she was the only customer left, she asked Luke out of the blue, "Have you gone on a date recently?"

Luke started, surprised by the question. "What?"

"I was wondering if you've gone on a date since we… broke up?"

"Why are you asking me this?"

"Because I wasn't sure if I was clear when we were talking in Maine. You're allowed to date, you know. I… I wouldn't mind. You and me… we're just friends. You can date if you like."

"Why the hell would I want to go out on a date with someone else?" Luke asked, trying to keep the anger out of his voice.

"Well… maybe you'd meet someone, you know. I mean someone… who can make you happy," she said, stuttering. "We have such a crazy history and so much baggage… I'm just saying I understand if you wanted to go out, just have fun with someone else, see where it goes..."

"There's no need. I'm not going on a date with anyone else," he replied shortly. "And I don't really want to talk about this anymore, so let's just drop this."

"Seriously Luke… I don't want you… uh, pining around for me. I… I'm still not sure if we'd ever get together again, so if you meet someone…"

"Lorelai, I don't want to date," Luke interrupted angrily, "Because the only reason _I_ date is to see if she's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. But I already know who that person is. It's you. So I don't need to get out there anymore to have fun or whatever." He took a deep breath to calm himself down, putting as much tenderness in his words as he can. "Listen, I don't mind waiting for you. I love you, you know that. I'll wait for you even if it turns out in the end that I'm waiting for nothing."

Lorelai looked down at her coffee cup, trying to stop the tears from falling. "I'm sorry Luke. I know this is hard for you, but I just need some time."

"I know that, Lorelai. I understand." Suddenly, a thought popped in his mind, scaring him. "Have you… have you gone out on a date since the break-up?"

Lorelai shook her head. "A couple of guys have asked me out, but I always say no. Chris included."

This was news to him, but he tried to keep the jealousy under wraps. "Why do you say no?"

"Because it's not you."

"Huh," he grunted, confused but relieved. "But you also say no to me."

"I know. I never make that much sense, you know that," Lorelai replied with a small smile. "Maybe the next time you ask me again, I'll say yes."

Luke wondered if this was his chance. He decided not to spend too much time analyzing things and just jump. "Lorelai, can I take you out for dinner tomorrow? And by you, I mean just you – no chaperones this time."

Lorelai stared into his blue eyes, filled with hope and longing. In her heart, she wanted to say yes, but she was still wary. "Luke…"

"Listen – I just want to spend some time with you outside the diner. Just to talk. I miss you, I really do. No expectations. No good night kiss on the front porch if that's what you want."

"Oh it won't be a date without a good night kiss, mister," she replied with a smile. "Pick me up at eight?"

Luke was about to reply but Lorelai had already run out of the diner, much to his astonishment.

-oOo-

Luke could barely contain his excitement when he arrived at Lorelai's house at exactly eight. He knew he was supposed to arrive at least 15 minutes late, but he couldn't wait any longer. He rang the doorbell, remembering the days when he had his own key and would come in whenever he pleased. Those were the days when he would just head straight up to their room upstairs. _Not our room, Lorelai's room_ , he chided himself.

Rory opened the door for him and they stood at the foyer awkwardly. Ever since Lorelai came back to Stars Hollow, Rory would usually visit every weekend and would eat at Luke's, just like old times. They would sometimes even have casual dinners together, on the days when Lorelai would bring a chaperone to their "dates." The only difference was that while his friendship with Lorelai was now cordial, Rory was still very cold towards him. They haven't had a chance to talk much since after the break-up, when Rory blew up on him.

"She's not yet ready," Rory said without looking at him.

He took a deep breath. "Rory… Can we talk? This won't take long."

"Luke…"

"Everything you told me that day at the diner – you were right. It got me thinking. I know I did so many wrong things and hurt you and your mom so badly. I've apologized to your mom, but I've never apologized to you."

Rory was quiet for a moment, absorbing his words. "I'm sorry if I was too harsh."

"No, it was completely justified. I'm so sorry Rory, believe me. I needed you and Sookie and, heck even April, to really show me how much I screwed up the best thing that happened to me."

"Yeah?"

"I'm sure your mom already told you what we've talked about in Maine. I want to get back together with her, but she needs time. She needs to trust me again. I need to prove that she can trust me again. I understand if you'd need time as well. I mean, I don't expect you to forgive and forget just like that."

Rory appeared to be thinking hard. "Luke, you know she still loves you, right?" Luke did not reply. "Please… please just don't hurt her again, okay?"

To Luke's surprise, Rory reached out and gave him an awkward side hug, before disappearing back to her room without another word.


	17. The Last First Date

**Chapter 17 – The Last First Date**

-oOo-

Luke was so nervous walking Lorelai out to his truck and opening the door for her that he kept bumping into things, like the door knob at her front door and his truck's side mirror. This was way worse than their first official date when he took her out to Sniffy's, or the second first date after they got back together. This was even worse than the day he went to see her in Maine to discuss their issues and ask for another chance. Maybe because he knew this was it – his last chance. If they can't make it work this time, he seriously doubts that Lorelai would _ever_ want to try with him again.

 _Why the hell are my palms sweaty?_ he thought, as he surreptitiously wiped his palms against his pants. When he got into the driver's side, he nervously looked over at Lorelai with his hand on the ignition.

Lorelai was busy buckling her seat belt when she felt him looking at her, not saying anything. She glanced up in confusion. "Something wrong, Luke?"

"So listen," he began. "I've, uh, never done this before on a date, but I actually made three reservations for tonight. I wasn't sure what you were in the mood for, so I thought I'd play it safe and ask you what you wanted. I'm sorry if this is weird… I just wanted tonight to be perfect."

Lorelai laughed lightly. "Three reservations? Sounds a bit over the top, don't you think?" When Luke didn't respond, she hurried to add, "Okay, let's hear the choices."

"First – there's this fancy new steak place at Hartford. I've never been there, but it's supposed to be really good. And I know you like steak."

"Sounds great. And the next option?"

"There's this small taco place at Litchfield that serves really great tacos and burritos. You know I'm not a huge fan of Mexican food but the salsa there is excellent. I've been there before – It's a lot more casual than the steak place but I think you'll like it."

Lorelai looked thoughtful. "It sounds really good. I wonder if that's the same place Sookie mentioned to me before."

"Probably. Sookie and I talked about it once. I told her the salsa was made fresh by the chef every hour or so. And I think Jackson knows their tomato supplier."

"I'm really tempted to try that place, but let's hear the last option first."

Luke turned red and looked down. "Sniffy's. I haven't been there in a while, and if it's not too weird, I think Buddy and Maisie would really love to see you again."

Lorelai was silent, thinking quickly. Sniffy's was dangerous. It would just remind her of their magical first date when he told her about the horoscope and being all in. Was she really ready to go back to that place?

"Listen, I can see you're not comfortable with Sniffy's, so maybe we should go check out the taco place?"

Lorelai shook her head slowly. "I think we should go to Sniffy's."

"You're sure?"

"I think… I think it's time for me to face things head on instead of just dancing around things. I mean, I'm an excellent dancer and all – metaphorically speaking of course, but wait, actually even literally – I almost beat Kirk several times in the dance marathon. Seriously Luke, if you were my partner I'm sure I would have won!" she exclaimed, then stopped abruptly. "Wait. What was I talking about?"

Luke chuckled. This was the rambling Lorelai he knew. "You were saying we should go to Sniffy's."

"Yes, Sniffy's. It's going to be uncomfortable, and it will bring up quite a lot of memories – for me at least, but I think we should do it."

"Okay, Sniffy's it is," he said with a nervous smile.

-oOo-

Lorelai was preoccupied and silent during the drive to Sniffy's, as if she had something important weighing on her mind. Luke tried to engage her in conversation, but gave up eventually. While Luke was parking the truck, Lorelai suddenly turned to him and asked, "Do they know about what happened… to us?"

Luke was startled at the question, but answered honestly. "They know bits and pieces, yes."

"Do they know… do they know about the ultimatum? And what I did that night?"

"They know about the ultimatum," Luke replied slowly, choosing his words carefully. "But nothing else."

"So… nothing about Christopher?"

Luke flinched inwardly at the name but tried not to let it show. "No."

Lorelai was quiet for a few minutes. "Why didn't you tell them?"

"That was private, and… and that wasn't my business anymore, right? I mean, technically the engagement was off by then."

Lorelai looked at him, trying to read his expression. "Thank you, Luke," she finally replied, nearly inaudible. "That was… that was kind of you." She struggled to find the next words to say. "They're like your second parents. I don't want them to hate me."

"They don't hate you," he assured her. "In fact… they're not too happy with me at the moment."

"And why is that?"

"Because they only met April recently when Liz brought her here."

"You never introduced April to them?"

"I, uh, told them about April, a few months after you found out… but I never thought of actually introducing her to them. I didn't realize that hurt them a lot, and well, they didn't say anything. I only found out from Liz afterwards." He paused, deep in thought. "You know, I never knew I can be such an insensitive jerk to the people I love."

Lorelai gave him a gentle pat. "Don't say that. You're not a jerk."

"Thanks, but that doesn't make me any less of an ass."


	18. Getting to Know You

**Chapter 18 – Getting to Know You**

-oOo-

Lorelai could sense that Luke intentionally kept the conversation light and casual during dinner. They chatted about Kirk's latest business venture, Gypsy and Taylor's loud argument near the gazebo that morning, and Miss Patty's new cardio strip tease class. He was trying to avoid any awkwardness – probably in the hopes that if this date went off well, he'll get a second date.

Though she was flattered by Luke's attentions, she couldn't help but wonder if this was how their relationship would be. For several months before their break-up, she was the one trying to hold on to Luke, trying to shower him with all her love and understanding, trying to keep them together. Now, it was Luke trying to hold on to _her_ , trying to shower her with all his love and understanding, trying to get her to _agree_ for them to be together. _Relationships shouldn't be this complicated,_ she mused.

The first awkward moment during dinner was when Buddy and Maisie came to their table and gave Lorelai a big hug. They thought the two "children" have worked things out and were back together, and Luke had to hurriedly explain that they were not in a relationship at the moment. Maisie turned a keen eye on Lorelai to see her reaction. She saw her look down, take a deep breath then put on a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. The expression on Lorelai's eyes, normally open and forthcoming, now were dim and guarded. Maisie squeezed her hand and walked away to give them privacy again.

After hurriedly introducing other light topics to make up for the awkwardness, Luke said off-hand, "I just noticed your porch seem to be holding well. There was a time I had to do replace a few planks here and there every month or so."

To Luke's surprise, Lorelai didn't reply immediately and blushed profusely. "Oh, um, I actually have a guy who comes in to do minor repairs now."

Luke couldn't contain his surprise. "What?" he asked in shock. "Since when?"

Lorelai wouldn't look at his eyes and stared down at her food. "Uh… maybe two months before we broke up? I don't really remember. It was one of Tom's guys."

"You had someone else doing home repairs while we were _together_?" Luke asked slowly, unable to hide the pain from his voice. "Why didn't you just tell me? Or did you want a professional to do the job? Did you not trust me? I mean, I know it's not my full-time job but I swear, Lorelai, I know what I'm doing…"

"No, no, it's nothing like that," Lorelai hurriedly interrupted him. "It's just that… before, when we were just friends, you would usually just come to my place to fix stuff when I tell you something's broken."

"Nothing wrong with that."

"I know, I know… But when we were together, you would usually come to my place to… uh, spend time with me, hang out, you know? While you were there, you might notice stuff that needed to be fixed, and you'll do it. I mean, I didn't have to, uh, call you over to fix stuff."

"I don't see where you're going with this…"

"During the last few months of our relationship, you, uh, you weren't really around at my place that much. I… I wanted to call you a few times to come over to fix stuff, but uh… it just felt like a step backward. In our relationship, I mean. I, uh, I didn't want you to come over just because you had to fix stuff, you know…"

Luke finally understood. "Lorelai…" he began guiltily.

"So I, uh, called Tom and asked him to send a guy over who can go through the house and do minor repairs. I mean, it's no big deal, really, I just… I knew you had a lot of things in your plate and I didn't want to add to it with home repairs…"

Luke cleared his throat. There was a dull ache in his heart at another reminder of how thoughtless he was towards the end of their relationship. "I'm so sorry, Lorelai. I'm sorry I wasn't there."

"It's okay, Luke, really it's nothing."

"No, it's not nothing. Not to me, at least," Luke said, trying to find the right words to explain. "For eight years, I… I waited for things to be broken at your place. Because I knew if something got broken, you'd call me and I'd get a chance to spend some time with you outside the diner. It's silly, I know. I mean, sometimes I would go and you wouldn't even be there, but it still made me feel happy to know I was doing something for you."

"Oh, Luke…"

There was a ghost of a smile in Luke's forlorn face. "I can't tell you how often I wanted to _break_ something at your house just to have an excuse to come back."

Lorelai giggled at his unexpected confession. "I can't tell you how often I wanted to do the same."

Luke looked at her with a puzzled expression. "Really?"

Lorelai reached for his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Hon, you know I had a thing for you even when we were just friends, right?" she said. "I mean… who can resist a handsome scruffy guy doing home repairs for free?" she added, in a light-hearted tone.

"Well, it's still nice to hear it sometimes," Luke said with a shy grin.

-oOo-

As they drove back to Stars Hollow after dinner, Luke could feel the awkwardness descend on them again. Lorelai was looking outside, barely saying a word, while Luke was lost in his own thoughts. _I wonder if I_ will _get a good night's kiss_ , he thought. He tried to banish the thought hurriedly from his mind. _I won't pressure her. I won't be disappointed if I don't._

When he stopped the truck at the Crap Shack, Lorelai immediately jumped off before he could go to her side and open the door for her. She was trying very hard to keep her defenses up, and it was taking all her energy. _I need to be careful,_ she thought, _I can't get my heart broken again._

When they reached her front porch, he turned to her tentatively. "I had a great time tonight," he told her sincerely. "Thanks for agreeing to go out with me."

"Thanks for dinner, Luke," she said softly, not looking up at him.

"So, um…" he hedged. "I was wondering… April is going to some school dance in a few weeks. I, uh, I may have promised her that I can help her find a dress…"

Lorelai was startled, but couldn't resist mocking him. "You, Luke Danes, willingly volunteered to go shopping with a teenage girl? For a dress, no less…"

It was Luke's turn to blush. "Yeah, I was, uh, I was wondering if you could come with us? Help me out? You know I have no idea when it comes to these things..."

Lorelai hesitated for just a second. "Yes."

Luke didn't hear her, "And I understand if you refuse, I know it may be awkward and all…"

"Yes."

"I mean, it's such a huge favor to ask."

Lorelai touched his arm lightly. "Luke, I said yes already. I'll come with you and April."

"What?"

"It will be fun," Lorelai assured him. Suddenly, a sobering thought stopped her. "Oh, but would that… would that be okay with Anna?"

"Anna doesn't matter."

Lorelai smiled. "Okay. Just tell me when and where and I'll be there."

Lorelai was looking through her purse for her house key during the whole April conversation. When she finally looked up, all she could see was the love and longing in Luke's eyes as he stood gazing at her. She felt her breath catch. She couldn't stop herself – she leaned in and gave him a soft kiss, trying to keep it short and sweet.

It wasn't enough for him. Before she could pull away, he wrapped his arms around her waist tightly and pulled her close to him, putting all his passion and desperation and devotion in the kiss.

Alarm bells went off in Lorelai's head at the sudden intimacy and she pulled back abruptly, breathing hard. Unbidden, a thought popped into her head. _The last person I kissed before tonight was Chris. And the last person he kissed before tonight was Anna. How screwed up is this?_

"Sorry, I'm just… not ready for this," she mumbled.

"I'm… I'm sorry," Luke breathed out. He took a step back, watching her carefully. "I… I just missed you too much."

"I'll see you around, Luke," she said hurriedly, opening the door and trying to make a quick exit.

"I love you," he whispered, not knowing if she heard him or not.


	19. Some Advice

**Chapter 19 – Some Advice**

-oOo-

Luke hoped that their date at Sniffy's would be the turning point. He was sadly disappointed when Lorelai never came to the diner the next day. When she did drop by after two days, she still acted cordially friendly to him and sat with whichever townie was around, instead of her usual seat at the counter.

He was nearing his wit's end and had no idea what to do, and decided to go to Dragonfly on the day he knew Lorelai was not working. He had to talk to Sookie.

"Luke! What are you doing here?" Sookie asked, surprised when she saw who was knocking at her kitchen door. "Lorelai is off today, she's not here."

"Yeah, I know," he replied, embarrassed. "I… uh, actually wanted to talk to you."

"Okay, sure," she said easily. "Manny, look after this sauce for a moment. Stir slowly! Don't burn this, or I'll burn your ass!" she hollered to her sous chef.

She gestured to Luke to follow her to the library. "We should talk here, it's more private."

Luke cleared his throat. "I don't really know what to do anymore."

"What?" Sookie asked, surprised. "Are you giving up on Lorelai? Again?" Her tone was sharp and she looked angry.

"No, no, nothing like that," he explained quickly. "I just don't know… I don't know how to get her to trust me again. How to get her to give us a chance again. I mean, she's been back in Stars Hollow for, what, five months now, and there's barely any progress. She's still… polite." He paused and tried to find the words to explain. "She would start teasing me sometimes, but before we can start really bantering like we used to, she would suddenly pull back. She won't let me fix things at her house. I don't think the two of us would even qualify as friends at this point. I'm just the guy who pours her coffee who keeps asking her for a date, which she still refuses."

"But she said yes once, right? You went to Sniffy's?"

"I know, I know, and she did promise to go with me to take April shopping next week. I'm not complaining, and I _am_ going to wait however long it takes. I just… I wish there was a way to get things back to how it was before. Believe it or not… I'm ready to be married. Right now. I'm ready to start our middle. But I feel like she's given up."

Sookie was silent. "Luke, I don't know what to say. I can't help you."

Luke sighed, defeated. "I understand."

"But I don't think she's given up. To be honest, she doesn't seem… sad anymore," she replied thoughtfully. "She's back to her old self. She smiles when she talks about you and April. I know she's been spending time with April at the diner, and that makes her happy. And she _is_ looking forward to next week."

He looked at Sookie gratefully. "Really? That's… that's good to hear."

"She still loves you, you know?" Sookie said softly. "We went to a bar last week. Man, all the guys there were just hitting on her. We didn't have to buy a single drink _all night_. But she kept telling the guys she wasn't interested."

Luke felt relief coursing through his veins. He didn't like the thought of Lorelai in a bar, getting drunk, with guys hanging around, hoping she'd notice them. "I hope you guys didn't get too wasted or anything."

Sookie giggled. "Lorelai didn't. Believe it or not, she really paced herself this time. She said she's done too many embarrassing things when she's drunk, so after the second martini, she switched to club soda. I, on the other hand…"

Luke looked uncomfortable, not sure if he wanted to hear the rest of the story.

"Never mind about that, but let's just say the night ended with Jackson picking us up from the bar and there was zucchini involved."

Luke groaned. "I really don't need to know anything more, Sookie."

She giggled again, then made an effort to get back to their discussion. "Hey, did you know Christopher tried to get to her by using his kid?"

"What?"

"Yeah, somehow he figured out that one of the reasons you guys broke up was because you kept April away from Lorelai. He knew that made her very insecure as a mother, because why would her own fiancé do that unless he thought she was a bad mother?"

"I never thought she was a bad mother…"

"So he kept calling Lorelai to ask for her help to take care of Gigi. He would say that he didn't know what to do with a daughter, that he knew Lorelai was the expert, that she was a super-mom, and so on."

Luke couldn't speak. He was angry at Christopher for trying to take advantage of his mistake. But he was also angry at himself that he made Lorelai insecure. "So what happened?" he asked with much effort.

"To be honest, Lorelai very nearly said yes," she said. "I mean, he was really persistent. He came here several times, he visited her at her house. That guy knows how to woo a girl. He had flowers and chocolates, the whole she-bang. But… she said no. She kept saying no until he got the idea."

"I'm glad."

"Don't hate me, but there was a time when I wasn't glad that she kept saying no," Sookie admitted. "I thought she deserved such… attention after all she's been through. But I guess the attention is worth nothing if it's not from the guy you want."

"So do you think that's what she wants? Flowers and chocolates and that kind of thing?"

"No, not from you… That's not you, Luke. She wouldn't want you to be anything other than the same Luke who has been her friend for so many years."

"I don't really know what else I can do."

"I know, Luke. And I know you've been patient and you've been trying really hard. That's really sweet, and I know Lorelai appreciates it. Maybe… maybe she just needs some more time."

"Yeah…"

"Luke, she's not trying to decide whether to give you another chance or find someone else to build a life with. You're it for her. There isn't anyone else, and there won't ever be anyone else…" Sookie said kindly. "Just, just show her you're there. That you're ready. That you're not going anywhere. That even though you have April, let her know that she and Rory – they're also your family."

Luke nodded slowly. "I get it. Thanks, Sookie. This really helps."


	20. Baby Steps

**Chapter 20 – Baby Steps**

-oOo-

As Lorelai walked to the mall with Luke by her side and April by his side, Lorelai decided to hold back. After all, she didn't know how much input she should give on this shopping trip without overstepping her boundaries.

 _I don't even know what my boundaries are,_ she reflected. _I should have talked to Luke first. I don't even know what I am here – the almost step-mother? The dad's ex? I guess the more accurate description is the dad's friend. Just his friend._

She decided to err at the side of caution and let father and daughter go ahead and look around themselves. She promised both solemnly that if they needed her opinion on anything, they only had to ask. However, April pleaded endearingly for her to take the lead since neither she nor Luke knew which stores to hit or which dresses to try. Lorelai hesitated for a second, but gladly acquiesced when Luke echoed April's sentiment by grumbling, "Yes, what do I know about dresses?"

It took more than an hour, and countless trying on of various dresses that really tried Luke's patience, but finally they found the dress. It was a satin cerulean dress with a delicate silver sash around the waist. Luke sighed in relief when April confirmed that this was The One.

While he was paying for the dress at the counter, he noticed Lorelai and April whispering to each other. "You tell him," whispered Lorelai.

"No, _you_ tell him," April whispered back.

"He'll give in to anything you say."

"No, he'll give in to anything _you_ say," April countered.

"What's going on?" Luke interrupted.

April gave Lorelai a meaningful look, and after a beat, Lorelai cleared her throat. "Hey Luke."

"What?"

"You know what else April needs?"

"Aside from this dress?"

"A silver purse and a pair of heels."

"No." Lorelai nudged April, "See, I told you he'll say no to me. Your turn!"

Luke spoke. "I mean, I don't mind buying a purse and shoes – but I am not buying heels. Little girls do not need to walk around in heels. It ruins your posture, it's dangerous…"

"She's not a little girl, you know," Lorelai interrupted.

"That's right!" April piped in. "Luke, I'm officially a teenager. I can wear heels. I mean, Mom lets me wear heels now, but only up to one inch."

"One inch heels it is then!" Lorelai called out gaily, pulling Luke and April to the nearest shoe store.

-oOo-

After they bought everything they needed (which took another two hours), the three of them headed to the food court for a snack. To Luke's chagrin, April preferred everything Lorelai ordered for herself (pretzels, pizza, tater tots and ice cream) over the ones he got for both himself and April (grilled chicken, salad and two fruit cups).

"April!" he exclaimed in dismay, watching her take another pretzel from Lorelai's Lorelai saw the look in his face, she looked stricken.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Luke!" she said hurriedly, thinking that he wasn't happy that April seemed to like Lorelai's junk food – and by extension Lorelai – better than Luke's healthier choices – and by extension Luke himself. "I didn't… I wasn't…"

Luke immediately realized what she was thinking, and hastened to reassure her. "Nah, that's not it."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm just upset that another person I love won't eat healthy food, and may I add, healthy food I bought specifically for her," he declared, with a pointed glance at April. "I mean, I know I wasn't really able to convert you or Rory to a healthier lifestyle, despite years of trying. But really it would make me so much happier if both of you would eat some salad every now and then and not just that junk food all the time."

Lorelai's heart swelled that he included herself and Rory in the list of people he loves. April didn't catch anything but looked up. "What junk food?" she asked innocently. "I swear, this is so amazing, Dad. You should try this!" She giggled and gestured to the tater tots that she and Lorelai were dipping in ranch dressing.

Lorelai was surprised. It was the first time she heard April call Luke "Dad," and Luke didn't even seem to notice.

He shook his head. "No thanks, hon. I'm good with my food," he replied. "But you both should try this!" he added, gesturing to the salad.

"No way," April and Lorelai said at the same time. They looked at each other and giggled again. "Jinx!"

-oOo-

The next day, Luke felt gratified to see Lorelai sitting at the counter, and not sitting with another townie at one of the tables. He didn't want to make her uncomfortable by commenting on it so he went to her as usual with his notepad out.

"Morning. What can I get you?"

"What does April call you?"

"Huh?"

"When she calls you. Or when she talks to you. Does she call you Luke?"

"Of course she does. You hear her talk to me. What's this about?"

"She called you Dad yesterday."

"What?"

"Yes she did. We were eating and joking about junk food and salad, and she called you Dad. I looked at you to see if you caught it but you didn't react. So I thought maybe she already calls you Dad and I just didn't know."

"No, no she doesn't," Luke said in shock. "Wow. How could I have missed that?"

"That's fine, Luke. She said it only once. Later she went back to calling you Luke. But it's so great. I mean, it's the first step. Soon she'll be calling you Dad all the time."

"The first step…" Luke echoed with a faraway look.

"I know what you're thinking. If she grew up knowing you as her father, she would have called you Dad from the start. But don't think of that anymore," Lorelai said with a comforting smile. "Goodness knows I'm still upset at Anna for depriving you of all that. But let's just focus on the present. April only knows you for a year, but she feels close enough to call you Dad… And it's because you're a good father, Luke, like I always said."

Luke swallowed the lump in his throat, unable to speak because of the sudden onslaught of emotion. Lorelai reached for his hand and stroked it gently, giving him time to recover. After several minutes of silence, he cleared his throat."Thanks Lorelai. That… that means a lot, coming from you." Lorelai gave him a cheery smile.

"Good, good," she said in a teasing tone, to dispel his discomfort at his show of emotion. "And can I expect coffee on the house this week?"

He smiled. "You never pay anyway."

-oOo-

Lorelai's phone rang. Luke gave her a look and pointed to the door. "Out."

"Luke!" she said in mock surprise. "We just had a moment right there! You can't drive me away just like that!"

"I know, and I'm grateful, but take the call outside."

"Fine, it went to voicemail already," she grumbled. "Now I have to check the message."

Luke watched as she punched the numbers to check the voicemail, and was alarmed when she suddenly dropped the phone and looked up at him, pale and frightened. "Luke. My dad. Heart attack."

Flashbacks of the cold winter night when Lorelai got a similar message and he drove her to the hospital passed through his mind. They were just friends at that time, but there was no way he could not be with her.

Without a second thought, Luke shouted towards the kitchen, "I'm out, Cesar, you're in charge!" He glanced at Lorelai who was still standing at the middle of the diner without moving, frozen in place. He picked up her phone from the floor and touched Lorelai at the small of her back to guide her out the door. "Let's go. Hartford Memorial?"

"Yes," she whispered.

"He's gonna be fine."

"Luke…" she looked at him with eyes brimming with unshed tears.

"I know."


	21. Déjà Vu

**Chapter 21 – Déjà Vu**

-oOo-

Emily did not seem surprised to see Luke holding Lorelai's hand as they strode to the emergency room. She was all business – rattling off a list of things to do for everyone and calling various people as if the whole thing was planned. She gave tasks to everyone in the waiting room, including Logan, who came in to be with Rory.

Nobody – not Emily, not Rory, not even Lorelai – wondered for a second why Luke was there at the waiting room with the Gilmores. Although technically he and Lorelai were "dating" – if one date counts – but they couldn't really be called "together" at that time. She had been careful to keep things light and casual between them, and he respected her wishes. But when tragedy struck, it was as if their instincts took over and all of the carefully cultivated distance and detachment just flew away. He found himself holding Lorelai close to his side, rubbing her back, whispering comforting words to her ear and planting soft kisses to her hair. Lorelai clung as closely to him as she could, occasionally burying her face in his chest when her emotions got the better of her.

After almost an hour sitting in the waiting room, Luke whispered, "Do you want some coffee? I can get some in the cafeteria for you."

Lorelai gripped his shirt and shook her head vigorously, but refused to look at him. "No, Luke, please no… Please don't leave me here alone."

"It will only be a few minutes," he assured her softly, giving her a tight squeeze.

"I need you more than coffee."

Luke turned and kissed the side of her forehead. "I'm not going anywhere."

-oOo-

After what seemed like hours, Dr. Reynolds came out. All of the Gilmore girls immediately stood up in nervous anticipation, followed closely by Luke and Logan.

"He's stable now," the doctor quickly assured them.

"Oh thank God," Emily said fervently, nearly collapsing out of sheer relief. She was the epitome of tranquility during the entire wait, but now she started to shake. Rory walked up to her and held her close to calm her down.

"To be honest, we almost lost him," Dr. Reynolds continued. "But Richard's a strong chap. He pulled through. They'll be taking him to the ICU soon. He's asleep, but you can sit with him for a few minutes, one at a time."

"Thank you, John." Emily finally replied. Rory made her grandmother sit down, then went and hugged Logan in relief.

Luke turned to Lorelai, who was still gripping his arm tightly and staring at the retreating figure of the doctor. "Lorelai?"

"Oh Luke," she cried, wrapping her arms around him and sobbing into his chest.

He stroked her hair and let her cry for a few minutes, then mumbled, "I have a hanky this time. Looks like you need it. You can keep it after. I'm not gonna want it back."

Lorelai gave a small laugh. "I know."

-oOo-

Luke drove Lorelai home that night. She was quiet, but kept glancing at Luke as he drove. He tried to ignore it at first, but it was unsettling. As they drove by the Stars Hollow sign, he finally turned to her.

"Lorelai. Are you okay?"

Lorelai nodded but said nothing. Finally, she reached over and touched his arm tentatively. "Luke, do you mind… can you…" she whispered. "I, uh, don't really want to be alone tonight."

He looked at her with tenderness. "I'm not going anywhere, Lorelai," Luke said for the second time that day.

"I mean… I'm not ready to, uh, you know," she mumbled, embarrassed. "I just…"

Luke chuckled. "Don't worry, I wasn't really thinking of that. I'll stay with you tonight – that's all. I can sleep in the couch."

Lorelai heaved a sigh of relief. "Thanks Luke. Really. You being here with me… It means a lot."

-oOo-

The moment they walked into the house, Luke could sense that they've finally turned a page. There was none of the previous awkwardness, or the forced cheerfulness, or the stilted conversations. It was as if they were back to when they were together.

"Want a beer?" Lorelai asked, heading straight to the kitchen while he plopped down on the couch.

"Sure."

She handed him a beer and curled up on the couch beside him, drinking her own beer silently. He leaned back and put his right arm around her shoulder while holding the beer on his other hand.

"What a day, huh?" she finally said.

"What a day."

"Man, that was rough," she commented. "I've never been so scared in my life."

"I know. I'm just glad your Dad is okay now."

"Me too."

"We should probably go to sleep now. I mean, we should head back to the hospital pretty early tomorrow, right?"

Lorelai smiled at how naturally he said "we" – as if there was no question that he was coming with her. "I think visiting hours start at nine, but I promised my mom that I would drive by their house to get her a change of clothes and some stuff. So maybe we should leave the house by eight?"

"Sounds good," he said. After several minutes, he spoke again. "You must be exhausted. You should head up to bed now," He looked at her still figure beside him, her head cradled on his chest, her eyes closed.

"But I'm too tired," she mumbled without opening her eyes.

"That's why you should head up now before you fall asleep."

"I _am_ asleep."

"Right," he snorted. He stood up and tried to pull her up from the couch but she wouldn't budge. "Come on, let's get you upstairs."

Lorelai muttered a few incoherent words, still without opening her eyes, and promptly drifted off to sleep. Luke watched her tenderly, and gave her a gentle kiss on her forehead. He took off her shoes and pulled her feet up so that she was lying completely on the couch, and went off in search of a blanket to cover her up. He then sat on the recliner and promptly fell asleep, not thinking about how his neck and back would feel tomorrow.

-oOo-

A week passed as Richard continued to recover at the hospital. For selfish reasons, this was a good time for Luke. He got to spend nearly every minute of the day with Lorelai – taking care of Richard during the day, and sleeping at her place during the night. Lorelai was still a bit clingy to him, always grabbing his hand or resting her head on his shoulder.

When they got home the second night, Lorelai told him he could sleep at Rory's bed to be more comfortable, but he steadily refused. He slept at the couch if Lorelai slept at her own room, or he slept at the recliner if Lorelai slept at the couch. Lorelai never invited her up to her bed, though he knew that even if she did, he would refuse. She was feeling lonely and vulnerable, and he was not about to take advantage of her that way.

One morning, Lorelai called him gaily. "Luke! I need a favor."

"Yes?"

"Dad's getting discharged this afternoon," she explained, trying to keep a huge grin from her face. "You mind driving him home?"

"In my truck?" he asked in disbelief.

Lorelai laughed. "Sorry hon, you'll need to take the Jag."

Luke scratched his head. "Uh, won't he mind me driving his car?"

"Nah, it was actually Mom's idea. Believe it or not, Dad was quite excited to go home in your truck. Said he hasn't been in a Chevy truck since his teens. Mom absolutely refused, and the only compromise that he would agree to is that if you – not Mom, not me, not Rory, not anyone else – would drive the Jag home."

Luke was puzzled, but shrugged his shoulders. "I guess I have to go get the Jag then."

Lorelai grinned. "I'll come with you."


	22. A New Beginning

**Chapter 22 – A New Beginning**

-oOo-

After safely driving the elder Gilmores home, Luke and Lorelai drove back to Stars Hollow. He wondered what would happen tonight – would Lorelai still ask him to stay over, now that her dad was out of the hospital?

He walked her up to her front door, trying to think of what to say. But Lorelai didn't notice his hesitation and went straight in, fully expecting him to follow her. "Want a beer?" she called out from the kitchen.

Luke breathed a sigh of relief. "Sure," he replied, sitting down at his usual place at the couch.

Lorelai came back with a beer for him and a glass of wine for herself. She gave him a smile as she handed him the beer, but instead of curling up beside him, as she did for the past week, she sat on the other end of the couch. She studiously avoided looking at him as she sipped her wine. Luke started feeling nervous again.

"So… we should probably talk," Lorelai murmured, breaking the silence.

"Yes, of course," he replied, trying to mask the uneasiness in his voice.

"Luke… The past few months, I've… I've learned to live without you. It was really hard, but I realize I can do it. I'm strong enough to do it."

Luke's heart sank. He opened his mouth to reply but Lorelai raised her hand, palms out, to ask him to wait until she was finished.

"I _can_ live without you, Luke," she continued, finally looking at him. "But it doesn't mean I _want_ to live without you."

Luke's heart started to beat rapidly. "What do you mean?"

"Luke… I'm ready to try again."

Luke quickly laid his beer on the coffee table and was right next to Lorelai in no time at all. He stared at her bright blue eyes with a searching look.

"Are you sure, Lorelai? I mean, are you really sure?" he asked ardently. "I don't want you to decide on this while you're feeling, you know, overwhelmed with what happened to your Dad."

Lorelai reached up to stroke his cheeks gently, and smiled. "That's not it, I promise. I've thought about this for a long time. I'm ready."

"Thank God," he breathed. He couldn't wait any longer – he put his arms around her and kissed her with all the passion and love that he kept bottled up in the last few months.

She eagerly responded to his kiss and kept stroking his cheeks with one hand and rubbing his back with the other. "I missed this," she murmured breathlessly. "I missed you."

"Me too," Luke mumbled back as he kissed his way down to her neck, staying at the spot near her collarbone that she loved. Lorelai couldn't help but moan and arch her back towards him. At the sound, Luke pulled away quickly and looked at her with dark eyes.

"Lorelai," he said, breathing heavily. "Look at me."

Lorelai opened her eyes. "Luke."

"I'm all in, "he said, looking at her intently. "I swear this time I mean it. No secrets."

"I know."

"This time our relationship will work out."

"I know."

"Lorelai… Will you marry me?"

Lorelai sat up in surprise. "What?"

"I bought a new ring for you. It's at my apartment though. I, uh, I wasn't really planning on proposing tonight."

Lorelai shook her head, as if trying to clear off the fog from her head. "I don't understand," she said slowly. "A new ring? Did you throw out the old one?"

"No, I just wanted to give you a new ring, to prove that things will be different this time."

"O-kaaaay," she replied hesitantly. "Seems like a waste of money though."

"Not to me it isn't," he said dismissively. "But… you haven't given me your answer yet. Lorelai, will you…"

"Yes."

"Well, you don't have to answer so…"

"Yes."

"We can take a minute to…"

"No."

"So we are…"

"Getting married," Lorelai said happily, pulling Luke closer to her. And this time, when they kissed, they knew it would be like this for them forever.

-oOo-

 **THE END**


End file.
